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Veteran Advisor

Accepting foster kids into your home

Well I alluded to this briefly once. My wife has some relation who are unfit parents ( I called them white trash previously) and the State is stepping in to remove the kids.

We have helped with these three small children ages 2 1/2 yrs. old 15 mos. and 5 mos. Several times we have asked that the DHS worker permanently remove these small children from this environment of neglect but they have tried desperately to keep this family together.

In the past three weeks things have gone from horrible to horrific.  The youngest baby has gone to live semi permanently with my in laws.  They are in their 60's and don't feel they can take the other two.  We have been asked to take the other two. We have agreed. 

My heart goes out to these two small children Our home is full already we have 4 kids.  We are not truly foster parents we are just close relatives who want to help.  I have some real concerns for our safety with these children's safety. We would p[robably have been given these kids on Friday but I asked for a court order stating the parents had no custody of the kids. I felt we needed some more legal protection on our side if something should go real bad.  That is my only hesitation.  They will become wards of the state at that point. However we will be the care givers.

I set my kids down yesterday and told them of our decision. It means upsetting their lives as well and I wanted them to be aware and know they had a say at the outset.  I told them we are not adopting at this time but we are going to open our home, hearts , and lives to these kids who have no one else.

I'll be honest guys as I type this my eyes well up with tears that there are children in this world who nobody loves or cares for.  I never thought for one minute I would be in this position.

What I am wondering is have any of you gone thru some similar experience ?

What words of wisdom can you give?

One other big concern is that I have 4 kids who still need me yet these two little ones will be a handful. Pray that they won't feel neglected.

Right now we are waiting for a phone call. Could get one at any time that we are to meet and pick up these kids.  My wife is already planning on how the logistics will work out. Where will everybody sleep?  She's been on craigs list looking for strollers, and car seats, booster chairs, potty chairs.  All those types of things. Last night we went up in the attic and pulled out the crib our kids used.  We are going tomorrow to look for clothes for them. They only have a couple outfits each.  I'll be real honest here This is a lot of expense which I hadn't really planned on and with dairy prices we don't have a lot of wiggle room. But I was praying and thinking about it this morning. ANd God reminded me of the story of the woman with her two mites which she gave in the temple.  She gave out of here need not out of her abundance. I don't really feel all that qualified for this and I know the majority of the burden will be on my wife.  I am not the most compassionate person in the world.  Mostly I think you got yourself into this fix but these little kids didn't do anything wrong and I feel like somebody should help.  

Also after this experience with DHS I can tell you these folks sren't our last best hope. I know they have constraints. But this situation has been really bad for 6 months and just now they are taking the proper steps. I hope this all works out.

 

I really don't know how long we have these kids for. We are setting ourselves up for 1 year. If at that time their parents ( I use that term loosely) get it together maybe they get the kids back if not they stay a little longer we can make other plans then. 

Any of you had workings with DHS in foster care?   ANy suggestions or thoughts would be appreciated.  My biggest fear is the mother she's a real partier and I am afraid that one day she'll get hopped up on something and come to take back her kids with her newest boyfriend. That's something I really don't need. Thanks and prayers will be welcome. JR

 

13 Replies
Senior Contributor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

Hey Jr, it sounds like you have your work cut out for you. The mother could really use a good Dr Phil smackdown, is she getting help with her drug problem? Is the Dad at all involved or maybe it`s better off without him in the picture. The mother needs to read Dr Laura`s book `Ten stupid things women do to mess up their lives` and follow it.You`re smart covering your legal bases. Those kids are very Blessed to have you and your Family. You won`t regret any help you`ve given those Children. God Bless you all and hopefully the parents will get their acts together.

Frequent Contributor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

We have never gone through what you about to go on. But know we are lifting you up in prayer. God will provide.

 

 

Without Christ, life is out of focus.

Senior Advisor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

I'm like Jim. Can't imagine what you are feeling but know I will pray that all works out according to Gods will. May He bless you and your family as you set out on this unknown journey. I thank God you are there to help.

Veteran Advisor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

  I see that you and your wife are concerned enough about their well being that you two are willing to take them in, is more than what their parent/parents concerns were for their well being. They may receive minimal attention due to the numbers of children that you two have already, but consider the TYPE of attention, and how little they are getting now. If your children are old enough to understand the situation somewhat, explain why you two made the decision and why it was the right thing to do. They will understand, and probably help out quite a bit too, and they might make the same decision someday.

  It is what it is though, and it doesn't matter what and why they have come to need your help because they had no control of it, or are they old enough to get themselves out of it. They are pretty lucky to have you two as relatives, and it may be tough at times, but you will be rewarded with knowing that you did the right thing when confronted with the situation. You can't put ANY price on that, except for your peace of mind. I think that you know the probable futures of children that are put in that environment as children, and the statistics of their future in foster care. It is bleak at best.

  Hats off to you and your wife for having the decency and compassion to do what most people wouldn't. 

Veteran Advisor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

My very best to you and your couragous wife.

 

This'll be a life changer for alot of people and cross relationships. 

 

Keep us posted if you can, but I'm not sure I can imagine that you'll have the time.

Veteran Advisor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

Read this yesterday and pondered about it so here are my thoughts.

Good for you to help out when these young obviously need some loving care,

It sounds like you have considered a lot of the possible situations going forward and that is the best you can do about some things like mother coming back into the picture, be prepared.

SOme thoughts of mine for you to consider if you have not already;

One thing to be sure of is continue to communicate about the situation, with your children as well as your wife and the hard part some days may be spreading the love out equally to all the children.

As a young person of 10-12 years we had a cousin stay with us for almost a year.

I was the oldest of 4 children and our cousin celebrated her 3rd birthday while with us. Circumstances were a little different as her mother was not well, had a couple of operations and was not able physically to look after a young one. The 2 older cousins remained at home and their home was about a 3 hour drive from ours.

That meant that little Chris did not see her family much while she was with us. Being young, like your charges, she adapted quite quickly and I remember when her parents and sisters came to take her home there were many tears and a rather hysterical Chris who did not want to leave my mother who she was then calling mom.

So your new charges are still young enough for you to have a good chance of molding them in good ways. Good luck and enjoy the young growing up as we do our grand children.

Of course I do not give out prayers but wish you the best in a worthy project that will no doubt have good times and a few bad times.  

Senior Advisor

Re: Jim

There are lots of kids in the world that God is not providing for. I beleive I would put more trust in the JR's of the world than a supreme being.

Veteran Contributor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

You obviously are a very compassionate person.  God will bless you, as he has already blessed these kids with you, your wife and children.  Your family has been on my mind since I read your post.  And I will keep you in my prayers.

Veteran Advisor

Re: Accepting foster kids into your home

Midwest thanks for the kind words. I don't really think of myself as compasionate.  I appreciate your prayers.