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Honored Advisor

Dear Santa

      Dear Santa,
 How are you? How is Mrs. Claus?
I hope everyone, from the reindeer to the elves,
is fine. I have been a very good boy this year. I
would like an X-Box 360 with Call of Duty 
Black Ops 2 and an
iPhone 5 for Christmas. I hope you remember that       
come Christmas Day.
Merry Christmas,
Timmy Jones
 * *
 Thank you for you letter. Mrs. Claus, the reindeer and the
elves are all fine and thank you for asking about
them. Santa is a little worried all the time you
spend playing video games and texting. Santa 
wouldn't want you toget fat. Since you have indeed been a good boy, I

think I'll bring you something you can go outside and play with

Merry Christmas,

Santa Claus
 * *

Mr. Claus,

Seeing that I have fulfilled the "naughty vs. Nice"  contract,
set by you I might add, I feel confident that you can see
your way clear to granting me what I have asked for. I certainly 
wouldn't want to turn this joyous season into one of litigation. Also,
don't you think that a jab at my weight coming
from an overweight man who goes out once a year is a
bit trite?
Tim Jones
 * *
Mr. Jones,
While I have acknowledged you have met the
"nice" criteria,need I remind you that your Christmas list is a
request and in no way is it a guarantee of services provided. Should
you wish to pursue legal action,well that is your right. Please know,
however, that my attorney's have been on retainer ever since the

Burgermeister Meisterburger incident and will be more than happy to 
take you on in open court. Additionally, the exercise I alluded to will
not only improve your health, but also improve your social
skills and potentially help clear up a complexion that looks like
the bottom of the Burger King fry bin most days.
Very Truly Yours,
 S Claus
** *

Now look here Fat Man,

I told you what I want and I expect you to bring it. I was
 attempting to be polite about this but you brought
my looks and my friends into this. Now you just
be disrespecting me. I'm about to tweet my boys
and we're gonna be waiting for your fat ass
and I'm taking my game console,
my game, my phone, and whatever else I


* * *

Listen:  Pizza Face,

Seriously??? You think a dude that breaks into every house in the
world on one night and never gets caught sweats a skinny G-banger
wannabe? "He sees you when you're sleeping; He knows when you're awake".

Sound familiar,genius? You know what kind of resources I have
at my disposal. I got your **bleep** wired, Jack. I go all around the world
and see ways to hurt people that if I described them right now, you'd
throw up your Totino's pizza roll all over the carpet of your mom's
basement. You're not getting what you asked for,
but I'm still stopping by your crib to stomp a mud hole
in you're ass and then walk it dry.
Chew on that, Petunia.
S Clizzy
 * *
Dear Santa,
Bring me whatever you see fit. I'll appreciate anything.


Timmy, That's what I thought you little ***********

1 Reply
Senior Advisor

Re: Dear Santa

Did you come up with that on your own Hobby? I bet if the truth were known, the percentage of households that story is true would alarm us all.  I don't know how or where all you guys get these amazing posts, but keep them coming.  I truly enjoy most of them.