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Senior Contributor

If Brett Kavanaugh weighs as much as a duck...

"Kavanaugh turned me into a newt...but I got better-- Redeux"


So, if Brett Kavanaugh weighs as much as a duck, then he must also float, and because wood  floats, it follows that Brett Kavanaugh must then be made of wood, which would of course lead us all to recall that all witches are made of wood and that Brett Kavanaugh would most certainly be a witch.


Moreover, anonymous sources have reliably reported that Brett Kavanaugh does have a wart on him.


These are all true facts. That said, can we now get on with Kavanaugh's public burning at the stake?