Re: passing on assets
Kay you gave me a chuckle since this comment "someone who has never admitted to being wrong once in his long and abusive lifetime". pretty well describes the man I used as an example of how estates can be changed.
The point I was trying to make was that in our younger years we can make rational, fair plans but in our senior years so many of us lose contol of our minds enough that the original, well though out plans, are thrown away and real harm to families results.
Things like that happen because our brains do not always age well and I do not know of a way to protect from it. Laws prevent families from 'putting mother and father away' and these are right to protect people and seniors however no one is able to prove that someones mind is slipping and they need 'protecting' until after much harm can and has been done.
The unfortunate part of a family dispute is few outside the family understand what happened and often the one with the best 'mouth', who is often the one most at fault, comes out looking like the innocent.
In the example I gave I am not sure why the daughter continues to bow to her father. I know she does not contact him but he continues to contact her and especially when he needs help, which he needs more now because the incident that led to the split was over his driving and the law finally fixed that after he had another accident and they took his license away and since he totalled his car as well another he is on foot and needs help going places so doctors appointments in the city which can take several hours fall on her.
Maybe she just wants to prove to herself and him that people can be nice.
I know she worships the same 'god' I do and her father always was a front of the church believer, at least on Sunday.
Re: passing on assets
The whole giving up drving thing is a difficult issue in some families. One uncle in Mike's family was very stubborn about it, while his Daddy willingly gave up his license, the last time his renewal came up before his passing.
I think it is a good analogy for the whole control dynamic....
I've seen children = most especially daughters - who took tons of abuse from parents. The only reason I could ever garner from talking to any of them was that it was a point of their own pride in a way.,.that Mom and Dad were getting the best of care.
Again, we always have to ask ourselves why people do what they do...and probably never really know the complete answer. I say it is precisely like what they say about marrying for money...if that is your reason, you earn every cent.