advice from the older farmers

[plowboy261]

Financially no help.  We do help eachother with labor.  Doesn't have much of anything I can use as bad as that sounds, other than being Dad.  Maybe thats enough.  Being around Dad is great other than this dilema maybe I should just forget about it and just let it be.

[farmandfire]

I have equipment that my dad uses also. I trade labor for his equipment use. The one that gets used a lot more of mine than it should is the skidloader. In my mind ask him if it does have a break down if he would be willing to help. And if the answer is no I guess if it isn't going to break you I would leave it be. You only get one dad, and a lot of family operators can attest it is a give and take affair. Give him a b-day card with a gift certificate for a winters use of the tractor. (if he has a joking demeanor)

[Kay/NC]

I will just say it is a VERY touchy subject/situation. 

What children are really owed from theri parents is the basics of survival and education.  Most of us go a lot further than that, and all of that could be construed as a "gift" by many. 

There are some parents who view even the bare minimum as a sacrifice on their part...to me, that is the cost of choosing to have children.  It is our obligation, as they had no choice of whether or not to be born. 

Still, some parents view that there is some sort of score to be repaid.  Eventual inheritance may also be a factor in theri mind...if the tractor is being used to feed cattle thta are willed to you on a farm that is willed to you, then aren't you just helping provide for that eventual benefit in the future with an hour or two of tractor time today? 

Soem families ahve a way fo just seeing all family assets as avaialbe ot each individual in it.  If the tractor is in a shed on my farm, it's being sheltered there at no expense, but the shed costs something....you can split hairs until you are bald here. 

I have been the kid on the way into farming, and I am now the parent with kids who are working their way into businesses related to farming. We have prettty much given them free range on our stuff.  Their equipment is used as needed, too.  To me, life is too short to get all in a lunch over small stuff. 

[Kevin_Penner]

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said, "I just have one dad."

My father is still alive and for that I am grateful. I have two close friends whose fathers are no longer alive and I can't imagine their loss.

When the sad day comes that dad is dead you will feel better knowing that you didn't pitch a fit over this tractor.

[cowfarmer]

I probably won't be popular for saying this, but just drop it. I know it's a lot of hours and it's your main tractor. But life is too short buddy. Just let it go.

[smokeyjay]

I would echo most of the sentiments here as these people speak from experience and possess a lot of common sense.  The key to making the right decision for you is to be able to live with it and not let the "should-have's" and "could-have's" eat in your stomach until your health deteriorates.

If you chose to diplomatically approach your father about this, accept whatever the outcome, whether good or bad.  Chose to live with it, accept it, forgive if necessary, and move on.  If he say's, "Son, you're right, let's set up a payment plan and agreement," you've won over not only your dad, but you've gained a friend.

If you chose to leave it alone, forgive and move on.  You will be the bigger man for it.  Your children, if you have any, will see how you behave and hopefully, chose to emulate your behavior.  You will have altered the future in a positive way that can only reap dividends for your family.

[Kay/NC]

To be completely honest, it ought to have been addressed as it was going along, and before so much use incurred, if it was going to be addressed at all. 

Legally, speaking, I think that if you are going to charge someone for something, the two parties have to come to a meeting of the minds (a contract) up front, not after the fact. 

That said, if anyone let me use something all winter and then dropped a $44 per hour bill for 200 hours on me, without mentioning to me that there was a concern ten or 20 days into the use, I'd not take it well.  You owe it to yourself and to the other person to address the issue before it gets to be such a BIG concern. 

I do not think using a tractor hurts it that much.  It is not like the hours will actually depreciate its value by nine grand.  Moving hay is not like sockign a breaking plow deep into the ground and pulling hard for hours on end, either.  There is heavy use and light use...I know and hour is an hour on the gauge, but we all know that not all hours are equal. 

If he's burning his fuel, paying repairs and maintenance  during the months he's the only one using it, and the liability/comprehensive insurance while he's operating it issue is covered, then I'd be more tempted than not to let it slide for the sake of family harmony.  That can be priceless....

[smokeyjay]

Yes, that logic makes sense. However, IF the young man believes he should (or can) approach his dad with a proposal, what's to prevent him from suggesting a rate or any kind of fee for use from that time on?  People are misunderstood all the time and it's not a good thing, either, to perpetuate that misunderstanding.  That is, unless the young man decides it's in his best interests and his family's to not pursue the matter.  In that case, the lips are sealed, forever.

[Kay/NC]

I will just put it like this:  If a kid of mine walked up to me with a "bill" for almost $9000 - without saying a word to me about his concerns of wear and tear on a tractor up front or for months on end - I'd be major huret and honestly extremely ticked off. 

[smokeyjay]

I think we are talking past each other here.  If I were that kid's dad, I would be hurt, too.  Common sense suggests a different approach.  Forget the past of who owes what.  Do not submit a bill.  That option is doomed to fail. 

Begin with a new slate.  Don't even make up a bill.  Just approach the conversation with an open mind and listen to the conversation.

The kid says "hey dad, I've been meaning to visit with you about the tractor.  Can we talk about it?  I'm unsure what you are thinking and I might have not clearly stated what I was thinking at the time we made this arrangement."  If this approach is met with a positive response, there's hope for making a satisfactory agreement. 

If the dad gets upset and offended about that and ends the conversation right there, then we have bigger problems than a mere misunderstanding.  In that case, the son knows that option is off the table and his choices are to go in another direction. 

The dad may even at first be angry, but if his conscience isn't silent and his pride in check, he may ultimately change his mind and actually work towards a mutually beneficial end.  But who knows a father better, we or his family?

 
It's not a good thing for the son to become an "enabler" for a parent, or vice versa, for that matter.  By not bringing something up, especially as "trifle" as a misunderstanding about the use of a tractor, this can poision a relationship for the rest of a lifetime. 

A case in point; Back in the 60's, my aunt refused to speak with my father for years, thanks to a terrible misunderstanding over a stupid issue about the inheritance of a chicken picker.  (do any readers know what this equipment is for?  I do, and it really shows my age.)  No matter what my father did, he even apologized for something he didn't do, they were never able to reconcile. 

She died in a car accident not long afterwards. And the rest is history.