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Senior Contributor

Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

I know this is Marketing Talk, but I figured you guys in here would be quick with what I need (and what probably everybody needs right now!). The weather here in central Iowa stinks. It's too cold and rainy. Been writing stories all week about how crummy the weather's been and how nobody can get anything planted! It's downright depressing!


So, I need a good joke! Who's got one? Clean ones only! JR, I know you've got to be good for one! Whoever has the best one (and remember -- CLEAN jokes only!), we'll send you a little something to keep your pops (barley-based or otherwise) cold later this summer...that is, if the weather ever decides to warm up! 


Alright, let's hear 'em! Bonus points for ones that are either marketing or planting related!

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14 Replies
Honored Advisor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

Might I suggest that you would have been better served to be at Holy Thursday mass.

It is April 22, hardly late, not even close to late, even for the great and never surpassed C-IA.

Yes, it is cold, as expected, Easter is late.


We planted very early last year nationally and raised a below trend crop. We planted late in 2008 and raised a great crop. Maybe there is something to consider in those stats. Generally a very early planted crop runs into problems.


I'm just not good at jokes so I won't even try, but being depressed April 22 is close to one. :-)

(Opps. You IA guys will probably get defensive. Sorry in advance.)


Frankly it is shaping up to be a long-term no-tillers dream. Plant late into warm soils with no compaction will take away every single dreamed up advantage to tillage. Cost less...yields the same or more...(might as well tweek two nerves in one post!) :-)

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Senior Contributor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

Not about planting but maybe touches on marketing.


Selling my stuff when I die
The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.....
One lazy Sunday morning the wife and I were quiet and thoughtful, sitting around the breakfast table when I said to her unexpectedly, "When I die, I want you to sell all my stuff, immediately."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure a woman as fine as yourself would eventually remarry and I don't want some other A-hole using my stuff."
She looked at me intently and said: "What makes you think I'd marry another  A-hole?"
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Senior Contributor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

Three friends married women from different parts of the US.

 The first man married a woman from Florida. He told her that she was to do 
the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third 
day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

 The second man married a woman from Pennsylvania. He gave his wife orders 
that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day 
he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the 
third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was 
a huge dinner on the table.

 The third man married a woman from Iowa. He ordered her to keep the house 
cleaned, dishes washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

 He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see 
anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he 
could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that 
he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
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Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

An apartment manager in Ames was showing an appartment to a couple first year college students. Occasionally, he would lean out the window and shout "green side Up!" this happened several times, til finally one of the prospective tenants asked "what is going on?" He sighed and then  replied "Oh, I have a couple Hawkeye fans laying sod."

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Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!



A Hawkeye fan, a Husker fan, & a Buckeye fan are climbing a mountain & arguing about who loves his team more.

The Buckeye fan insists he is the most loyal. ''This is for the Buckeyes'', he yells, & jumps off the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the Hawkeye fan is next to profess his love for his team. He yells "This is for the Hawkeyes!!!"

& pushes the Husker fan off the mountain.




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Veteran Advisor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

Well Kraft- t was walking thru his water logged fileds in NC IA when he heard some one say


"pick me up"


Well Kraft looked around and didn't see anything. So he slogged on with that dark black dirt encasing his feet like a cement slipper. he had taken a few steps when he heard again


"pick me up"


Well he looked around again but this time his eye caught a frog on the ground.


He said "did you say something?"


"Yes" the frog said, "if you will pick me up and kiss me I will be your best friend forever, and I will cook and clean for you and I will fill your nights with passion that exceeds your wildest dreams!"


Well Kraft thinks about it for a minute imagining the exciting times he would have with a small smile on his face. Then He shakes his head and has a "what am I thnkin about look" on his face.


He takes a step and sticks the frog in his pocket!


After the initial shock the frog struggles to get it's head out side of the pocket enough to holler


"what are you doin? Don't you want a friend who cooks and cleans and fills your nights with passion?


Kraft with out missing a step says



















Good morning kraft!

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Frequent Contributor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

A farmer was out walking in his fields one day when he noticed somthing sticking up out of the ground.  He pulled it out of the ground and cleaned it off.  While doing this a genie emerged out of the bottle and said "For getting me out of this bottle I have been stuck in for over 100 years, I will grant you a total of  three wishes used whenever you choose."  The farmer thinks this is great and thinks for a bit and says "For my first wish, I would like  to sell $20 wheat."  The genie says it is done and goes back his bottle.  About a week later the farmer calls out the genie and the genie asks what is his second wish.  The farmer says "I would like $20 wheat."  The genie looks confused and says "Isnt this what I granted you last week?"  The farmer puts his head down and says "Ya, but maybee this time I will sell."     

Thank you thank you, I will be here all week.  LOL  

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Veteran Advisor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

The Titanic hits the iceberg, and almost everyone is scrambling for lifeboats.  However, there is a small group of people just standing at the railing, acting like nothing unusual is happening.  One lady getting on a lifeboat asked who they were, and why they weren't heading for a lifeboat.  The crew member helping her said that they were corn farmers, and were confident that it was going to come back up.

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Senior Contributor

Re: Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

Can't help is another one


Future U.S. President


 The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman president who happens to be from Iowa, Susan Midwest. A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says, 'So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?' 

'I don't think so. It's a 18 hour drive, your mother isn't as young as she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.' 

'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door.' 

'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?' 

Oh Dad, replies Susan, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by the best designer in Washington .' 

'Honey,' Dad complains, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat.' 

The President-to-be responds, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in Washington, I'll ensure your meals are salt free Dad, I really want you to come.' 

So Dad reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2017, Susan Midwest is being
sworn in as President of the United States.  In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom. Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispers, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States.'

The Senator whispers back, 'Yes I do.' 

Dad says proudly, 'Her brother played football at Iowa!'

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