Depressing planting weather...I need a joke!

[mspencerfarms]

One wet spring a farmer was desperate to get the crop planted and so finally convinced his wife to drive tractor for him and work ground in front of the planter.  He got her started working ground and felt comfortable enough to finally turn her loose.  Shortly he gets a call that she has gotten the field cultivator in the fence.  So he goes over to help and instructs her to be careful next time and stay back away from any objects.  Shortly he gets another call and she now is stuck in the waterway.  While trying to pull her out he finally loses his temper and yells at her.   "I don't understand how in the world God could make someone so beautiful and yet so dumb."  She replied back.  "I do."  He made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me, and he made me dumb so I would be attracted to you."

[gurly3801539]

I saw her swimming in the brook

A moment swift and fleeting

And from the shock of that brief look

My heart almost stopped beating.

I worked my way around the trees

To where the view was clearer

And then on trembling hands and knees

I edged a little nearer.

I never saw such perfect lines

As she was there displaying

Beneath the shade of spreading pines

In languid splendor playing.

Her twists and turns were full of grace

Her body smoothly molded

I know that joy showed on my face

As each new charm unfolded.

And when she floated with the stream

The sight was most entrancing

Her wonderous body seemed to gleam

From sunbeams softly glancing.

I yearned for her with heart and soul

And then I fell to wishing...........

For I had neither hook nor pole

And trout are caught by fishing.

[nwobcw]

   When the farmer was asked what he planned to do after he had just won the powerball lottery he sat back, stroked his chin and replied "Oh, I suppose I'll keep on farming till it's all gone".

[BA Deere]

St Peter asks a new arrival to the Pearly Gates about his last day on earth. "Well I came home early and found my wife naked on the bed, she claimed she had gotten out of the shower but I knew there was hanky panky. I found a man hanging by his fingertips off our 9th floor balcony. Well I smashed his fingers and he fell but was still alive. So with super-human strength I threw our antique cedar chest down on him and killed the SoB!! Then I died of a heart attack".  St Peter laughs and sends him through.  The 2nd arrival is asked about his last day on earth. "I was working on a air conditioner on the roof of a building, fell off but caught by my fingertips on the 9th floor balcony.  Then some Idiot smashes my fingers, I fall but survive, I`m lying there and then the fool throws a cedar chest on top of me, killing me!!"  St Peter laughs harder and sends him through.  The 3rd arrival is asked about his last day "St Peter you are not going to believe this, but the last thing I remember was I was naked, hiding in a antique cedar chest and.....