As the ye's official ag liaison, I've been asked to speak to a few matters for the farm community.
First, there is the bipolar thing, which we need to deal with up front. It can actually be well controlled thanks to the miracles of modern pharmacology. We'll make sure the SS gives him his meds. He has agreed to wear mittens while near the Red Button. It could be worse- severe personality disorders cannot be treated with drugs and only respond occasionally to intensive psychotherapy with willing patients.
And, of course, he is an ACTUAL billionaire, if that was the primary metric in the '16 election.
He is a native born American- first ancestor actually landed in VA in 1619 and none were German draft dodgers. His wife- also native born- not an illegal alien.
In regards to his platform, he is totally opposed to all Democratic communism and he and all the Khardashians are opposed to all taxes, forever, and particularly estate taxes, for 50 generations of Khardashians to come.
As far as farm policy goes, he says that he and Kim love corn and eat Green Giant Golden Niblets at least once a week.
I have humbly accepted his offer to serve as Sec Ag in his administration. In deference to continuity we have decided to have Sec's Ross, DeVos and Carson embalmed and left in their positions.
Sec. Perdue will be retained to run the printing press.
