Men and Christmas?

[Kay/NC]

Seems like from most of our posts about the holidays, Christmas is largely women's work...the extra cooking, decorating, making plans, etc. Mike's saying is, " Just tell me when and where to show up!" I did get his help dragging in the tree and storage chest of ornaments this year, and he caught two serious mistakes I was making in the assembly of the GS's red wagon, but that was about it. Even at that, it was way more than I normally ask him to do. If you had to set a ratio of you to your husband, as regards getting regards getting ready for Vhristmas, would it be 50/50, or way apart from equal effort....?

[suey1973]

Probably should have left this one alone.   But.... you did ask.

Shopping for christams presents:   100% - 0%  unless one of the kids asks for tools

Decorating  :                                          100% -0%.  But,  did say he would help decorate outside tree next year with the loader

Baking:  (are you kidding me!)            100% -0%

Cleaning the house                               99% -1% (did help do a quick clean at in-laws before they came out)

Wrapping of gifts                                    100% -0%

Christmas Cards this year                   100 % - 0%

Church volunteer work                            95% - 5%  ( he is the one in charge.. church elder, worship committee.  but,  this year he took a whole 1 hour off to:  check batteries in candlelight candles, &  remove wrappers off poinsettias, )  It was my job to order the correct # of poinsettias,  type and print off list of the Memorial poinsettias,   make sure all the decorations were found for decorating,  and find or write the liturgies for the advent wreath. 

His only claim is that he regretfully allows one day for me to go shopping by myself. (it was a Sunday afternoon and my birthday),  and try to get all the christmas shopping done.   Also,  since we can afford it  he doesn't complain about what I'm spending.   Also,  let me get ready in the house  one day, after all my hog work was done.   I got no baking done at all.

Christmas Day.   He enjoys his coffee and morning news.   Sister in law and I fixed breakfast and started dinner.   I checked the nursery pigs.   I drove to church and gave the children's message.     SIL and I and fixed dinner,  I went out and took care of the hogs in finishing bldg and nursery.   He watched videos and slept.   Oh yeah,  He did a quick 30 minute clean at his folks house before SIL  brought them out from assisted living.  He did carry out a few dishes to the kitchen after we ate.  But, of course since he NEVER EVER does such a job  just piled them up and wondered how it gets done.   

My husband says he hates Christmas.   He is trying to remember the real reason for the season.   BS  he doesn't want to do anything.   If being with and seeing family is so important to him  he could help with:  cleaning,  shopping, cooking or do some of the other jobs so not 100% fell to me.   Rant, Rant, Rant, Rant, 

My Christmas present from HIm.  After 28 years!!! He finally got the clothes dryer properly vented from the crawl space under the kids' rooms to the outside!  He has not shopped for a gift for me in over 20 years.  Last one was a shovel.

[turkey feather]

Oh my Suey, and I was feeling put upon today with my back hurting. This is the place to rant you know. My DH is very good at wrapping presents but declined to help. He loves Christmas and will do some shopping. He did help a little with the cleaning. Remember he is retired. I was just thinking he could surely peel potatoes for the Christmas dinner tonight. Do you think part of it that men just can't see what needs doing?  I asked him to take the pies out of the oven and later he told me he waited twenty minutes so I could tell him when they were ready to come out. I think he was kidding.

He has been in the house and I do think he is beginning to see how much work it all is. But he could be helping much more. I was like you for years. Took care of the pigs and helped him do whatever needed to be done. Now the bad back.

[chick06]

This is easy to reply to

ME 100%

[Kay/NC]

Did I SAY there was a PROBLEM?  I asked my FEMALE friends a  question...just wondered how their families divide the labor of love that is Christmas. 

Apparently, not too well.  Your defensiveness implies a guilty conscience. 

Oh, and Mike hasn't paid an electric bill, or any other bill. in over 38 years...and, NO, I am NOT complaining about that, either.   

[linda/IL]

Me, 99 per cent.  He went w/DS & I to get the grandkids one toy.  He did this because DS never gets off the farm & I said DH HAD TO GO WITH ONE AFTERNOON!  Of course, he likes to eat out when we go so by the time we drove 1 hr. after choring, ate at a regular restaurant, that left around 2 hrs. before we had to head back.  My other shopping was done AFTER I got my chores done & before supper & evening chores. 

I've been sick w/an infection & did get him & DS to pull the dining room table out & set it.  Of course, I had to quit my kitchen work & get the table pad, table cloth, dishes, silverware, etc. out for them.  They were a big help. LOL

My mom was a pickle too.  I had said I needed help-come out & eat w/us & help.  She was off & on about coming, thinking I could rest if she wasn't there.  Well, very little rest as I had to make dressing, peel potatoes, make pies, and make salad.  I have to do this the day ahead as with chores in the morning I just can't make it.  Plus clean up the mess I make when I work.  All this while DH snoozed in his recliner! 

Oh, DH wanted me to go pick out a Christmas/anniversary present but I was 1(too sick to make any big decisions &

2( didn't have TIME to make any decisions.  It's the thought that counts right?

My neices lived with us for awhile after their mom died & still can't get over my husband giving me socks one year!

We really were tight on $$ that year and- - he's a man.  So once again I got nothing under the tree and for once,

so did he.

Today we had our family Christmas and as I was running around trying to find an extension cord for DGD's sewing machine, & helping get DGD#2's doll out of box while dodging DGS's flying helicopter, my DH handed me a card from my mom w/money in it to put away.  Yup, had no idea where I put it.  Finally found it where I absent mindedly laid it on the ironing board while looking for the extension cord.  DUH!!!  Then DIL's cousin, husband & two toddlers came by and ate supper with us.  They flew in from VA. for her dad's funeral this week.  I really didn't care except for my headache & the two extra little kids wreaking havoc.  I was more than glad to see them eat & enjoy our food-we had way too much.  Aaah, another Christmas over and I can't believe how much work went into it.  RANT RANT - feels good, I'm sorry to say!

[mike se il]

I don't know either of us could or would put a number on it.  It is mostly her.  I am responsble for a couple presents but she does the rest of the gift buying. I help with decorating as asked, but most of the time my job is to stay out of they way and say "Yes, Maam.  Whatever you want."

Since we didn't have anyone here this year cooking was minimal. So was decorating.

[soilbabe]

Ed does a pretty good job of being involved with Christmas.  By far his favorite part is the church services but he loves the family gathering, too.  You can get a pretty good idea of his sentiments about it all over at his blog Hymark Highspots".

From a practical standpoint, most of the preparations fall to me. But he is definitely not a 0% participant:

Decorating....he helped me in with the tree and helped me to bring all the totes of decorations in from storage and return the empties to the barn.  He gave great advice on the ornament placement.  Several times he just admired the tree and commented on how pretty it was.  This year it was all done in white, gold, silver and red and was so pretty.  So I would give him a 10% on decorating.

Shopping....not too bad....he helps me find things online after we decide what to get each grand....he does his own shopping for gifts for me and has really good taste....this year I was really impressed with the beautiful hand woven silk scarf and hand woven purse he got me from our good friends at Rainy Day Farm.  Savannah is a very talented craftswoman and my gifts are one of a kind works of art.  He also did a great job picking out pearl earrings that matched my necklaces perfectly.  He gets a 90% on shopping. 

Wrapping....He hires "elf help" to do his wrapping because he wants the package to look as pretty as the gift.  I get a kick out of how special his elf helpers make his presents look when I am literally slapping paper on the rest just to get it done!  Oldest DD called to offer elf help this year but he had already hired the neighbor girls.  They did a great job!  So on wrapping I would give him a 20%.

Cooking:  He doesn't cook BUT he does all the grocery shopping and makes himself available (most times) to carry everything in and help to put it away.  Yesterday, for our big meal, I wanted a fruit tray and he went to Kroger and had them make one up fresh.  It was very tasty.  Since I hate to set foot in the grocery store I give him a 50% on the cooking part.  He is also a great taste-tester!

Entertaining the kids and grands:  He is the host with the most!  I give him a high 90% for that.  He takes pictures, plays with the grands, and is an attentive conversationalist with all the kids.  He gives each one such personal attention about what they are doing and dreaming.  God sent me a wonderful gift in Ed as a stepfather and grandfather.  I could not ask for any more. 

I guess I am pretty blessed with Ed's level of participation.  Last night, when everyone left, tears came to me.  I just didn't want Christmas to be over.  He comforted me as one would a small child.  This morning I got up before daylight to turn on the tree again and enjoy....some things you just don't want to end. 

[manureseller]

That would be me 99.9%...I only give Todd 0.01% because he drove back from my parents place on Sunday to be at his folks and he drove home yesterday when we got the dogs from the kennel. Otherwise it's all on me for shopping, baking, and decorating which is why there isn't a lot of baking or decorating done at our house.