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Veteran Contributor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

We have one and it didn't bother me one bit to sign it.  Of course this was my second marrige and his first.   I had a house and he had his land and business.  I truely think it is a good thing.  We have come along way since then and have much together.  We tell the kids to never sell the land it will always make you money.  We do have a trust in place for them, and I hope they will have a pre-nup also. 

 

 

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Senior Contributor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

Sandy, the trust is what I'm interested in at this stage of our lives.  I'm pushing DH hard to get something set up.  As soon as we get a little caught up on haying, I'm making the appointment with our lawyer.  Should have been done long ago.

 

I do understand the 2nd marriage/later in life prenup or will.  Many times it just doesn't work out fairly for everyone & I would think the kids would feel better about the marriage & everything if it was out in the open.

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Honored Advisor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

You know, Sandy, I think there is a side to the pre-nup that your posts points out, that maybe some posters to this thread may have overlooked:  When you settle the material things up front, then the rest of your life, you know that you are staying together out of affection, not fear of losing the farm. 

 

I've known people who have said that they would leave an unhappy marriage, but did not want to lose half of everything when they do.  If I felt that that was the only reason someone was hanging around, it would take a lot of the joy out of living, for sure. 

Maybe it's an "I love you enough to put material possessions out of the picture" thing.  That isn't' all bad. 

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Veteran Contributor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

I think one thing that many have missed here is the part about his family coming in and changing things. If she works with her sister and something happens to her and then her husband is family would get her business. I know that probably what any of us want for our businesses but is what could happen. These things have happened more than once. I know that I wouldn't want to be part of that. With our children getting older it is time we change things to put them in charge of what will happen. Only one parent is still living (93 and not doing well). HUsbands brothers and wives would just as soon sell our farm as keep it for our children. 1 of the 3 SILs is pretty greedy. In this situation I would recommend a pre-nupt. I think it was Kay who said they had 200 between them. We didn't have that much, DH worked for his dad for rent and 20 per week. WE have never had much money. We now have equity but you can't buy groceries with equity.

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Senior Contributor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

I guess I forgot the part that the future husband is the one that wants a pre nup. He knows that my daughter has worked very hard to get her business going and he is the one that wants to make sure his family does not get their hands on it. He also does not want it if the marriage does not work. I think this speaks very highly of him, and also shows how much he does love her.

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Veteran Contributor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

If your SIL  is for it and he will not be actually working in the business and adding his sweat equity to the business, this is great, but, if he is working the business, he would no doubt feel differently in another 30 years. If the business would dictate when he could go on vacation and all extra money and time would be put into the business and in the end he would not be an owner, he might feel like he has been spinning his wheels helping your daughter build "her" business and he would be on the outside looking in. But, if they can keep things absolutely separate, where he builds his retirement through his own sources and she builds hers  through the business that he does not work in, then it will probably work just fine.  You know how all consuming a farm can be, so try to imagine one of the spouses working on the farm for decades and never owning any of it and yet all the seasonal restricitons , time and money constraints are there........you can see how this would keep a couple from being a part of a team together, it would create distance between them beause the "owner" would always have the final say and the hired help would have no power, no say in anything. Add to that , at the end, all that the outside spouse had helped to build for decades would go to the owner spouses family .............  not a good thing. Just make sure your SIL does not put any time or effort into the business, or given time, there could be some bitterness. But again, this very sensible arrangement also precludes any total bonding that might occur in a regular marriage where you both start out with nothing and no previous marriages with children simply because you are NOT pulling together on one team in the same direction. So, you compromise given the cards you are delt. If you have children to protect, assets gathered before the second marriage or whatever, fine, then you do the best you can with a legal agreement that protects those things that mean the most to you. But, that is a message right there. Something comes first, and with a pre-nup, you know it isn't you. If you can accept that, it will work, if not, it won't.  If your  SIL DOES work in the business, there needs to be some sort of a fractional buy in yearly based on just how much sweat equity he puts into it, money, whatever.  Otherwise, he is taking time and energy away from his own source of income  to devote to hers and in the end, he is in a lose lose situation where he makes no headway in a business he does not own. Life is a compromise, you make decisions at the time based on the situation you are in. Make a commitment to look at the premarital in five or ten years, and if things are going very well and both agree, rip it up. If I had a crystal ball and I had known all those years ago that this marriage would truly work out so well, I never would have had a premarital because I've had it both ways and without is much better emotionally. But, we didn't know for sure, and it seemed to be the only way to protect my kids. So, we played the hand we had and put the kids first. It's been good, but maybe not as good as it could have been.  If there will be children with your daughter and SIL, the agreement should end upon the birth of the first child.  If you are commited enough to have a child together, then the money is a distant second. Remember, you can undo all or part of what is in an agreement  with provisions in a will.

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Senior Contributor

Re: Prenuptial agreement???

The business is the Salon she owns. He would never work there, are put any money into it. The Salon will pay its own way, and he does not want any part of it, and he wants to make sure for my daughter, that if something would happen, his mother or sister would not come into it. The farm would be a whole different story if he worked on it, but he has a job in town. You know how everyone wants to protect their children.Smiley Happy

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