cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Senior Contributor

Re: Question: what do call success?

As I said earlier, reinventing.  When you get to the age you don't have as many demands it is good to take stock of your habits & a "bucket list" if you wish, and sit back & look at life from a new angle.  This has certainly been an interesting post. 

0 Kudos
Honored Advisor

Re: Question: what do call success?

Linda, please read my post on the " moving slowly" thread, to gain some perspective about what is happening in my life right now. Today, " success" for me will just be making sure an ambulance-chasing law firm can't take away a good portion of what we own.

This is the mixed blessing of having anything...that you have something to lose. No one will mind your business, if you don't keep up the pressure.

I will continue to try to define success for myself. It will certainly include whether or not I can make my land useful again. Yes, that will include earning money, because land needs to at least support itself, doesn't it?

Mike is happy this morning, that he's succeeded in getting one quadrant of four on his farm ready to receive animals...the tenant had left watering systems and fences nonfunctioning. I do not know what was keeping his cows in, but a prayer and an occasional bale of hay. I am thinking we are lucky, given the litigation already weighing me down, that they didn't go walkabout in traffic.

Sometimes, being successful,requires being a peaceful, polite person. Other days, it requires being a B.

Today was one of the latter for me.
0 Kudos
Advisor

Re: Question: what do call success?

I respect all aspects of your heritage as you described it.  I can read your pride of, and appreciation for, your ancestor's sacrifices.  I love multi generational farms and have the utmost respect for their love of the land and desire to keep it intact for future generations.  

 

What i have a problem with are the heirs who appear out of nowhere, see an asset as nothing but money for their own pleasure, and who have no appreciation for the hard work that EARNED the asset.  These are the folks who dont possess the ability to earn it or even maintain it but they sure can squander it.

 

I recently read that family fortunes are frequently squandered in three generations after the founder passes.  They have no skin in the game.  

 

How often have we heard of irresponsible heirs such as Busch, Hilton, Walton, etc who either use their priveledge unwisely, or worse, to do harm.  Great books out there about the concept of "affluenza".

 

Congrats on the 43 year marriage!!  That is my idea of success.

 

 

0 Kudos
Advisor

Re: Question: what do call success?

I wouldnt discount your inheritence either.  I am strictly referring to those, who through no contribution of their own, inherited or married into an asset and lay claim to it as evidence of their own success. 

 

And along the way they even disparage the very people who earned it and left it to them.

 

Every farm community has this type.

0 Kudos
Advisor

Re: Question: what do call success?

As someone who was divorced, I understand how a failed marriage can make some people view themselves as a failure.

 

I pray that if one of our children went through something that devastating they would still be respectful to their former spouse and continue to be a responsible parent.

0 Kudos
Senior Contributor

Re:MY TWO CENTS TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR

When you consider these other folks that have inherited and you are judgemental about whether they "deserve" what they have and whether they are better or worse for it, Please consider!

 

That other folks are going to be judgemental about your children and whether they are worth a grain of salt because you were able to leave a decent sized estate to them.

 

I know a fellow in my area that has inherited and done extremely well. I've heard people say that he wouldn't have anything if not forthe inheritance. What they fail to recognize is that he is one of the best farmer/businessman I know. Perhaps he wouldn't be where he is today sans the inheritance. But I do think he would be well on the way to where he is today.  He can't help that some of his acquaintences are plagued by petty jealousy.

 

I know our kids deserve what they will get from us and I would hate to think others would feel ill of them because of it. I am proud of them and what they have become. What more could a parent expect? My parents don't owe me anything. We don't owe our kids anything but we want them to have what we have left over bcause we love them and want them to prosper. I would hate to think that others in the community would think ill of them because we shared our good fortune with them.

Senior Contributor

Re: Contentment is really a large part of success

If you can be content with what you have and satisfied with your lot in life, then you are probably successful.

Honored Advisor

Re: Re:MY TWO CENTS TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR

Very well said, Don. I think ou exoressed every feeling .i have on this subject, except one. That is this: My father worked us three girls like field hands.
From age six until nineteen, I took the place of hired help in his farming operation. i have heard him say, " she can run a tractir as wellas a man, so why pay someone else?"

Of course, I was proud to be included and spoken of as competent, to contribute to my family's success. Still, while my friends were at the beach or other such leisurely pursuits, I was essentialy unpaid labor. In retrospect, there was a lot about getting to just be a kid that I now know I missed.

Not that this means I " earned" any inheritance; but, it ought to be worth something, if the two of them end up with anything.
0 Kudos
Senior Contributor

Re: Re:MY TWO CENTS TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR

Kay would you have felt better by being paid? Did you father pay for your college education?  I do understand your feelings about being in the fields. My DH worked hard from the time he could carry a heavy buckket is seems. This was while his dad worked away from home most of the time and his mother always thought she was ill. His two years younger brother did nothing to help ever as the favorite child. Brother was given spending money and whatever he wanted while DH worked for what he needed and wanted. I have heard these stories over and over and often wonder why he did not protest the unfairness when he was older. Maybe it was a difference in personalities.( His father died at an early age.) Or maybe it made DH the person he is today.

0 Kudos
Honored Advisor

Re: Re:MY TWO CENTS TO NOBODY IN PARTICULAR

Honestly, being paid then was beside the point. I think working as a kid is fine, but it ought not be all you get to do, all summer long and on weekends.

I took a lot of verbal and physical abuse, just being around a bunch of men without being taught how to fend off some of that. Maybe boys get that, too, but I doubt it. A young girl should not be sent out to remote fields to work with hired men alone. Period.

Have fired men for doing less objectionable things around my grown daughter.

As for college, I went where I was told to go, earned several merit scholarships, and came back home to work every weekend, until we got married during my sophomore year. I couldn't wait to escape.
You do not protest, when you are under their thumb and know it. I got offered jobs off the farm several times, but wasn't allowed to accept them, because I was " worth more working here". I had zero resume' lines when .i tried to break into the workforce at 21.

I do feel I earned something, compared to most kids of my generation. My male cousins, whose father was an equal partner with mine, one worked fairly equally, the other had every health problem known to mankind. Sun poisoning, so couldn't do field work, but could go to the beach. Back problems, but rode his dirt bike constantly. The list goes on and on.

I cannot say why your husband took it, but when you live it, it's all you know. Once you get out in the world a ways, you realize you were had.
0 Kudos