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Honored Advisor

Ruling things out?

Just wondering if any of you have developed a good way to handle a situation that I encounter in a couple of people I know. Both are women, both have some vague heslth complaints, both are constantly going from one specialist to another, and both stay constantly angry that " no one can find anything wrong".

My standard response, when another possibly disastrous diagnosis has been ruled out, is to say, " Well, at leadt it is a relief to know it wasn't THAT!"

Honestly, if I knew it wasn't cancer or some other life-threatening condition, I would think it would be a relief, wouldn't you? It just never seems that they share that sentiment.

Yes, I do probably think that in at least one of these cases, it is an emotional problem that hasn't been dealt with yet. Yes, I know tht emotional problems are every bit as important and deserving of attention as physical ones. Actually, I gpfeel that the. Mind and body bear so hard on each other, in terms of wlfare, thatbit iscdifgicult to disentwine the two.

Still, I cannot figure out the " right" thing to say. I am counting on my friends here to lend me some guidance. What do you say, when someone seems disappointed that the latest doctor didn't solve their problems, or even put a finger on what they really might be?
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15 Replies
Senior Contributor

Re: Ruling things out?

Fibromyalgia?  Gluten intolerance?  too much pop!  sometimes you just have to start ruling things out yourself.

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Advisor

Re: Ruling things out?

My mother has a friend that just wants attention.   Her complaints  are numerous.   She'll go from Dr. to Dr.    She just got a new boyfriend and suddenly felt great.    Not saying  your friend is not  sick or in pain.   But,  I feel as we get older we do have accept some aches and pains as just normal aging.    I did a couple of jobs yesterday,  I hadn't done in awhile and I feel it today.   Take an Aleve and on with the day.   

We can hear thunder  it is only about 20 miles away.  But,  it isn't headed this way.    Feeling sorry for ourselves  makes us want it even more and obscess about it even more.   Got to check the radar again. 

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Honored Advisor

Re: Ruling things out?

I get that some people actually have vague problems that are difficult to disgnose, and that may have no definitive treatment, even if you do. This may or may not be one of those kinds of things...but that's not exactly what Imean.

When ypu walk out with a clean bill of health or something you had been worrying might be wrong, nowit's npt, shouldn't you be GLAD? These girls seem peeved about it, like they would rsther have the bad news.

I have been handed a bad diagnosis, and didn't want it when I got it. I think until you have had that experience, maybe you don't know how much it changes everything.

Is that clearer? I am trying to explain it, but feel I must be missing something in the way I am phrasings things.
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Advisor

Re: Ruling things out?

In this situation I just try to convey to my friend that I continue to keep her in prayer that the doctors find out what is wrong and are able to bring her back to full health.  In all honesty, what more can I offer besides kind thoughts and sincere prayers?

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Senior Contributor

Re: Ruling things out?

The fear of the unknown may be greater than the fear of having a serious disease for these people. I just say that maybe the symptoms didn't show themselves to the doctor so he/she can have a good starting point. It could be just aging pains, but if we just ignore all pain, then we may be prolonging a disease's diagnosis. It is up to each one of us to acknowledge that if something just doesn't feel right to be our own best advocate. Some of the most rarest or newest diseases have been may be more numerous if people would keep nagging the doctor that tells them that it is all in their head.

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Senior Contributor

Re: Ruling things out?

I think we need to be attuned to our own bodies and be able to reconize any changes. Most things will heal themselves and go away but when you feel that is not going to happen then it is time to seek treatment and a doctor's advice. I did just that yesterday and in a lenghty process found what I think will help me get back to near normal.

 

Maybe the women in question here just need a kind word and someone to listen to them. There are people who enjoy going to doctors. Not me.

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Honored Advisor

Re: Ruling things out?

Totally agree on the need to self-monitor, as well as do routine physicals and screenings. My mammogram is overdue, and this teminds me to call and schedule one ASAP.

I think an awful lot of how we feel can be what we choose to focus on. If I wake up and say, " I feel like crud", I usually do, all day. I can awaken on another day, with even more pain from these knees, but if I do a self-check, list mentally how many things feel okay or even good, they seem to outweigh the discomfort from the wornout parts.

Not the answer to everything, admittedly, but maybe to some things.

I truly do wish these women well, ask appropriate questions, and try to be ebcouraging. Mabevit is the fear of the unknown, as mentioned...I hadn't really thought of it that way.

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Senior Contributor

Re: Ruling things out?

When it comes to our health I think there are two extremes. I just read about a local couple who lost everything they had worked for and could not buy insulin any more and ended up with the man having glass and metal in his foot and the wife with a 500 lb tumor.  Both needing medical care but with no money. The flip side is people with free care like our ex-renters who are at the doctor for any little excuse.  And there are the people who just jump at the chance to believe they are really ill.

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Honored Advisor

Re: Ruling things out?

If those folks are that destitute, they need help applying for help! Often, it is a matter of ignorance of how to ask...

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