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Senior Contributor

Sandwich gen.

Brought mom home from rehab on Monday afternoon.  Tuesday, yesterday, was a nightmare.  I had a gal hired two days a week at least to be there when she showers downstairs & does laundry.  When I called in the a.m. she was in a hurry to get her shower BEFORE help came and had an armfull of laundry on the stairs when I called.  I blew my stack after making all these arrangements.

Her medications were a job as I had them in the weekly container before she left and now they have some different ones in/out.

 

Had to run up there to meet with in home care nurse who backed me up.  But we both know it's a losing battle and mom was actually giving me daggers.  And she is all about getting her house picked up and not taking care of herself so we'll see how long she lasts.

Then as she is calling me telling me how tired she was, DIL called to see if I could pick up kids at school.  Our parish priest had fallen off the ladder (fractured shoulder, etc.) and wanted her opinion as a nurse.  She ended up taking him to ER & I ended up with kids for supper.  No problem other than I also had told mom I would bring her supper up and had to make two different meals.  Actually 3 counting their favorite leftover casserole I pulled out of the freezer to fill in.

 

Then at 11:30 p.m. DIL called to alert me that she got called into the hospital and the kids would be alone but would be OK.  Well, I stewed about that one for the rest of the time she was gone, actually not long.  Oldest is going on 14 and the house was secure but still- - .  Was ready to go up there when DIL called to say she was heading home.  Then up there this morning to take them to school at 6:30.  (DS our of town for job)  Oh, this sandwich generation!

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10 Replies
Senior Contributor

Re: Sandwich gen.

You have your hands full dear.  Maybe the home care nursep will recomend that she go back to the care facility after she sees what actually goes on.  These days are so trying...I still look back and think I could have done more, but then again, I gave it all I could without a total breakdown on my part. 

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Senior Contributor

Re: Sandwich gen.

I have regrets too but I did what I thought was right at the time. That is all a person can do. Good Luck!

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Advisor

Re: Sandwich gen.

Oh Dear!   Dear, Dear  Linda,   Just too much.    To take one thing off of your mind.   I totally agree that 14 years old is old enough to be responsible for the kids.   What she should of done is maybe not told you.   Just tell the DS  to call Grandma if things get to that point.      At 11:30 PM  they should of just been sleeping.  

 

I agree maybe the home health nurse/person,  can give her opinion  about your mom being home alone.    Surely,  she saw what her future would be at NH  if she doesn't behave and accept her abilities.     If she can be home.... then she should be able to go to an assisted living facility  not a nursing home.    Most assisted livings  have  kitchenette so she could still cook.... except I don't see ovens for baking.     I bet she has no idea of what her meds are for anymore... but,  she loves to make everyone believe she does.   Kind of like my MIL  at lawyer's.   Uh huh,  yes,  alright,  yes that sounds good,  yea, I can do that.      I'm glad it is not me.   I'll add you to my prayer concerns  for the week.   

 

Go plant some flowers or garden...  I understand  digging in the dirt is good for your soul.   And take care of that knee. 

Honored Advisor

Re: Sandwich gen.

Linda, I feel your situation is working for everyone BUT you!  I agree with Suey that if you aren't being called to cover DIL, then she shouldn't call and upset you with it. 

 

Your Mom is showing that she isn't going to be able to stay alone for long.  I know no matter what you set up, she will figure out a way to make it something she controls instead.  I guess you just have to make it clear to here that she waits for the care assistant, or you make the arrangements to move her to  an attended care situation. 

 

If she's diddling with her meds, she isn't safe on her own. 

 

Agree with Suey that Dirt Therapy would do you some good.  I am taking it as frequently as possible these days, and it does wonders!

 

Senior Contributor

Re: Sandwich gen.

Boy Linda your situation makes me kind of glad none of my kids live too close.

Son that is buying the farm had a baby in Dec.  I watch him when she is here doing the farm office stuff couple of afternoons a week.

But for her job he goes to day care.  Told them I had done the baby thing and I wasn't doing it again.  Guess I'm a cold hearted gramma.

My parents are gone and were so far away there wasn't much involvement there.  Mom was at home with dad until she went into hospice a week and a half before she died.  A year later my ex sil helped dad move to assisted living.  But he was only there for about 6 months before he died.  I think he just missed her too much.

Just got a call this afternoon from our daughter that hubby's mom fell and broke her hip.

We are about 2 1/2 to 3 hours away and she has 3 kids that live within 5 minutes  and 5 that are no more than 30 minutes away, so we don't get involved.  She's pretty low maintenance anyway.  They just make sure she gets to church and gets her groceries.  She doesn't drive and doesn't even like to get in a car much any way.  Although she is slipping some.  This will be the third time she'e been in hospital in about 9 months.  Don't know what they'll decided to do with her, but we won't have much say.

We'll be going down tomorrow.  We were thinking about  going down for a grand child thing anyway, now for sure he'll say we can go, even though we have to hurry back on Saturday to be on the farm because son and dil have plans.

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Senior Contributor

Re: Sandwich gen.

There was an a couple of instances here that remind me of what you are saying Suey...in the paper recently there was a story of a lady that took care of her mom for years.  A grandson got grandma to a lawyer and she took away power of attorney and medical attorney from the daughter as well as changed the will and gave it all to grandson. 

 

Also locally there is rumor of a farmer son that took care of his mom and tried to get her deemed incompetant supposedly so he could get the checkbook.  He was reportedly getting her to write checks to him.  Like reimbursing farm rent,  etc to the tune of over $100,000.  Other family members stepped in and are kicking him off the farm.  I always thought he was a nice guy and has a nice family and also a job off the farm.  Am wondering if the other family members really now what is going on. 

 

I know my mom plays banker for one of my farming brothers, but what do you do...do you upset mom and take away her rights, when she feels she is doing what is right?  We have voiced our opinions.....We hope he doesn't take her to the lawyer or hope he hasn't taken her to the lawyer and changed her will....not that some family members are happy with what is supposedly in there anyway. I really don't know and may not want to know at this point.

As far as mom's meds...I think she takes what she wants when she wants...

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Senior Contributor

Re: Sandwich gen.

Well, playing in the dirt was good except I see so much WORK!!  And when it comes to mind it is work, then I think I should a) either hire some catch up help or b) roundup. 

 

So much has gone through my life since I first posted this thread, I'm completely out of it.  Mom is struggling for independence.  Only a "one thing at a time" mentality.  Literaly.  And so rattled by every thing she is not in control of.  AND  the help didn't show up on Thurs. morning and the phone number I had wouldn't go through for her.  So I had DIL "stop" by mid morning.  She stayed on through lunch and I went up after to take her to foot doctor, Walmart, (very short trip there), and my house for a good dinner.

 

I had left early for WW, my turn to drive, home health care nurse called while in the meeting, also the home ?, mom's appt., and healthy dinner for family, and then I had bible study at 6 p.m.  Not sure that's too worthwhile as I'm flying through my readings and probably could hardly pass in a test.  Not absorbing my readings with my mind bouncing around.  Anyone else have that problem?  Please say yes.  Anyway, I was flying through my day.  The best part is the 3 other gals I go to WW with and brunch after.  We have a lot of laughs and the price of it all is - - Priceless.  And I lost this week.

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Honored Advisor

Re: Sandwich gen.

Glad you got the break with friends. I am feelng about as discouraged with uardwork right now...cold and rain again today.

The brain bouncing around thing: I cannot concentrate for five minutes right now. Part of that is having Winn virtually every day. He is precious, but my attention span is gravitating to his level now. I am like that dog who keeps stoppng mid-sentence and shouting "Squirrel!"

I got to the bookstore in Greenville last Tuesday, when heading to the company meeting downstate. Cannot get onto any of the nice stack of books...just cannot focus. Fallng asleep in my chair...this is why they give children to young people!
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Frequent Contributor

Re: Sandwich gen.

I think it is just a function of getting old.  My mind flits around, thoughts fly through it and I can barely capture the thoughts.  Once they go through uncaptured, it's anybody's guess that they will ever come back and get processed correctly.

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