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Ruby Lou
Senior Contributor

Second thoughts

My nephew is getting married out of state in a couple weeks. Am having second thoughts about leaving the farm.  my DH and DS are going away that weekend too.  Calving will start shortly after April 1.  When I thought I was going, I didn't even think about calving, but now I am having second thought.  My DD and I are probably the ones that need to take my mom. Its not going to be a git inthe car and drive.  Mom will need to stop every couple hours at least. It will be an 8 hour drive.  I do have one other sister going, but she and her daughter are driving too and it is their "last" trip together before that girl gets married.  Ugghh...Plans have changed since this first came about as far as who was going and who was all driving.  Remember when my DH and I went on a vacation and left the hired man in charge and he fell in the creek and severely broke his wrist.  Really having a decision problem here. 

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9 Replies
manureseller
Senior Contributor

Re: Second thoughts

What are DH and DS doing that one of them can't stay back?  I can understand the hesitation but I think there will be potential family issues down the road if Grandma is at grandson's wedding.  If you have to stay back could your daughter take Grandma by any chance? 

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Ruby Lou
Senior Contributor

Re: Second thoughts

They are going to an auction out of state.  Planned for several months.  this wedding came about around new years.  Grandma could go with my sister, but my sister is feeling slighted with her daughters wedding and is feeling sorry for herself so wants time with her daughter.  My daughter could not take my  mom alone.  my mom is in a wheelchair, cannot walk. (can transfer, but barely). and an 8 hour drive.   Also mom has an incontinence problem.  My sister takes my mom alot of places on Saturdays and Sundays. She is her "entertainment" person.  My DH is calling the hired man, maybe between him and my DS's girlfriend and her friend (who are farm girls) they can deal with things for a couple days.

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manureseller
Senior Contributor

Re: Second thoughts

Sounds like some plans are getting put in place.  I can understand not having daughter take Grandma by herself....it sounds like a 2 person team work deal there.  Best of luck getting stuff figured out.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: Second thoughts

At the price of cattle now, I can see where you would really want someone with cow knowledge, and a good vet on call.

It is really jard to make plans with livestock. Why the buck is stoppng at you, bith on taking Mom and tending the farm, I don't know.

Sister and niece should at least be the backup plan to drive Mom. Your daughter could ride, to help with her, should you be really unable to go.

I have to ask: Is this a real equipment auction, or a hobby/ antique one? Either eay, they can go and examine things ahead, and arrange to leave a bid, right?
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Re: Second thoughts

I truely can understand your sister's thoughts.   We are the ones that take care of MIL.    I think in 30 years  we have had to spend EVERY EASTER with my in-laws.   Now it is church,  breakfast and dinner at the farm.    For several years I took them to my family's easter meal.    Imagine  3 hours in a car with a woman  who can't carry on a coversation and reads EVERY SIGN!    Last year  we took her to church breakfast  but then left her at AL  and went to my mom's.    I gave ORDERS to all relatives to call their mom.   All of them are seeing Grandchildren or  prefer to be at their home church for Easter services.    Can't blame them too much with:  3, 8, 10 or 12 hour drives... one way. 

 

I'm guessing  leaving mom home is not an option.   We will not take my MIL to my son's wedding.  In fact I don't expect my mom to go either.   My mom is 84 and doesn't like to travel much anymore. 

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: Second thoughts

Has anyone though to ask her if she even really wants to go?  It may be that with her infirmities, especailly the incontinence, she might be as happy with a SKYPE with the nephew before the wedding. 

 

It is your family, so you would know best.  '

 

Mike's Mom made the Christmas gathering at his sister's house, but his BIL told us after they came to see Jenna's house that it was to be her last social outing, as it was just oto much on her.  Of course, she is 100, and constantly complaining about having lived too long.  I really have trouble listening to that since Jenna passed. 

 

I used to be that the young couple would stop by and see a grandparent or great-grandparent that couldn't travel to a ceremony, but families are so spread out now.  Has anyone in the groom's family made a point of asking anyone to see that she comes? 

 

 

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turkey feather
Senior Contributor

Re: Second thoughts

I agree with Kay. Does she really want to attend the wedding and be sitting in the car for two whole days? Lots of older people do not want to burden others to that extent. And lots of people including me are not big fans of huge weddings. In fact I am not looking forward to DGD wedding. Weird I know.

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ND Farmer 1
Frequent Contributor

Re: Second thoughts

I was in a situation similar to yours a few yrs ago....in a nutshell .....stay home , you will not enjoy yourself...bringing an individual that needs special attention., which is really a nice thing for you to want to do can turn into a horror story. Stay home tell them to send you a photo album when the photographer completes it......just my two cents..........
Ruby Lou
Senior Contributor

Re: Second thoughts

Yes, she really wants to go.  I have made hotel reservations that are cancellable the night of arrival.  She is sick right now with the respiratory crud and I pray it doesn't turn into pnuemonia, but I know I have  had an aweful time with it. She is 80.  I would imagine this could very well be her last long trip as we know her transferrability time is getting more limited. I have thought about skype too.  There will be a reception here in Iowa in May. oh, and she can't talk very loud, and I can't hear!!!  We may both drive each other nuts!  The groom is my nephew and only a few of us will be making the 8 hour trip.   I guess I just needed to put my concerns in writing.

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