Too irritable?

[dairy mom]

Start off by saying it was kind of a long weekend.  It was son's weekend off which means everything is different.  DH has to do son's job which means he has to work all day long getting that done and covering like he does every other day.

Real busy week with calves last week.  Maybe doesn't seem like a lot but we had 11 live calves and two born dead.

That means a lot for me because I'm the only one that feeds baby calves around here.  Unless they are born late in the evening then my husband does the first feeding.

11 bottle calves for me is a lot, bottle feeding really bothers my back anymore and when I have more than 4 it takes me a while to get straightened back up and move on to the next one.

This morning is back to normal, son is back at work to milk the morning shift.  He doesn't like to be in the parlor by himself so I go out at the beginning of morning shift to help him.  I don't actually do any milking, just spray dip, let cows in and out, and basically let him concentrate on the cows because he is absolutely positive the hired help don't always get all of the milked out well.

Then when the hired hand gets done scrapping the first barn I do part of the calf chores.  Then I help switch barns and be in the parlor while the hired hand scrapes that barn and then I finish calf chores and usually get done just in time for clean up in the parlor so son can leave and start feeding the cows.

Well today with all the extra bottle babies, one twin isn't doing real well, and the calf that was born on the other farm is having problems also, I didn't get completely done with chores. 

So the hired man and I get the units  up and I start the system washing and then I finish my calf chores.

Hired man scrapes the holding area and then he is suppose to shovel TMR for the weaned calves. 

Well he came through and saw that I had not power hosed the parlor so he did that instead of taking care of the calves he was suppose to feed.

My husband I come to find me just as I started feeding out the first of the last 3 bottles I needed to feed and wanted me to go help sort cows out to breed.  I do that on Mondays, his heavy breeding day, but usually only if he has more than 4 or 5 to get out of the barn.  Well I told him I wasn't putting down warm bottles to go that they would have to do it by themselves, he gave me a terse "thanks" because he doesn't like working cattle with the hired guy.

So I finish feeding out the bottles and check to see if they needed help.  Nope they had miraculously gotten the cows out without me. LOL

That was when I saw that the hired guy had done my job on the parlor clean up instead of doing his stuff.

I told him thanks for the help but  I had not forgotten it needed doing, but the calves were my first priority  and that he should do his own work first before he helps someone else.  He is a funny guy.  48 year old bachelor, lives with his mother, has never done anything other than farm work and is extremely immature.  I mean stuff like if he gets upset he might ball up his fist with his arms straight down his side and march around.  When he does that you can only think of a 6 year old who has been told to do something he doesn't want to do.  Or I've seen him jump 2 footed into the water pooled around the milk house drain when there is too much debris and it's draining slowly instead of skirting it or clearing the drain so the water will go down better.  Really sweet and likes to be helpful but can be very irritating.  Has caused a few semi major problems around here.

Anyway to the point of this long post.  When the hired guy left the parlor to finally go do the calf chores he was suppose to do, I mentioned to my DH that it kind of made me mad that he did the stuff in the parlor when he came back through after scraping the holding area and saw that I hadn't done it yet instead of continuing on to his own chores.  And husband told me I was just too irritable.

Dog gone it I know what my jobs are and I don't leave them undone and I don't need anybody doing them because the think I forgot.

[dairyfarmgal]

I can really relate dairymom, my dh will do things and he kinda steps on my toes sometimes. He will try to make something easier for me yet I didn't ask him to. Yeah, I get cranky when I have warm milk and someone wants me to drop what I'm doing to do something that can wait a few minutes. Funny, now that we are raising 400 bucket calves a year and dh is feeding milk right along side of me he is very strict about feeding times and protocol.

That being said, I do find I am crankier this time of year. Mid-January until May is tough. I started taking D about 3 years ago and I could really tell the difference. Not saying that is your issue but sure helped me. Gotta go...

[linda/IL]

That's a lot of calves for one week.  We're pretty small here & I like that.  We only had one last week & it should be going to the neighbors (he buys our bull calves) but DH's uncle wants 2 to raise.  He lives 3 hours away so wants us to hold it until the next bull is born.  Love the man but we won't calve again for 2-3 wks. & only a couple.  Could be a long wait for another bull calf.

Hope everyone reads your post.  It just tells what a family dairy farm is like. 

[Kay/NC]

Must be an epidemic of it lately then...I think everyone is pretty much tired from the holidays, and then winter can make everything that much harder to accomplish.  Just teh rain here today has slowed down work and gotten on the guy's nerves. 

Everyone everywhere seems pretty much on edge.  I know I am.  I think when this happens, I feel 'brittle'. as though something will just crack all to pieces if any more stress sets into the situation.  Think about peanut brittle candy....

As for your day: feeding the babies first is totally understandable.  It is nto their fault they bawl and want to be fed.  The fact that you are managing 3-4 times what you can comfortably complete, says that you should take any help you can get. 

Your hired man sounds sort of like he may have a form of autism, or a similar disorder.  He probably cannot help his odd behaviors.  Honestly, if he took it upon himself to do a part of your job, the kind thing to do is thank him and accept the assistance gracefully. 

It showed initiative on his part...and he was heading to do his own work, too, right?  Not many bosses can complain that a worker does too much for their money these days. 

I would say that I understand you doing your own thing; but, your own thing sounds like it is just too much.  While we farm women pride ourselves on being able to outwork normal females, we need to accept that we have limits, which close in somewhat as we age.  Dealing with injuries, repetitive motion problems, etc., can make us recognize that we cannot do it all anymore. 

I would say that your husband's response was probably more to your not dropping what you were going to help him move cows.  Some things fall into "tough luck" category to me.  If someone wants to help me finish a top-priority task, so I can help them with one lower on my list, then that is fair. 

Unless someone is bleeding or not breathing, or something is on fire, you are talking about people learning to take turns for yrou help and attention.  I think some adults are still suffering from missing the day they taught that lesson in kindergarten. 

Were you irritable?  Maybe a tad.  Did you have a right to be?  Absolutely. 

[turkey feather]

I read the post yesterday and did not reply until I could think more about it. I do agree with Kay. Why complain about someone helping you? We can all use a little extra help at times. Sometimes our pride does get in the way, I am sure I have probably said that I don't need your help, no wanting to look weak, at times. Help is difficult to find and I am sure his demeanor can be stressful but it sounds like he will not be changing.  I do hope today goes better for you.

[Kay/NC]

Our pride can be our problem.  I am looking back to our recent discussions about Christmas and what we put ourselves through, or choose not to. 

I have a very stubborn streak of proving I can do it myself, to a fault, I can assure you.  Being a woman in a man's occupation can make you that way, for sure.  As a young farmer, i felt I had to show the world I didn't need allowances made. 

I still do this to a degree...for example, I stayed up in the store and asssembled shelving by myself for several hours the other evening.  What I got for being so independent was seriously exhausted, and a small gash in my scalp, when one of the metal parts - that should have been held up by another set of hands - fell on my head.  It could have as easily cut and destroyed an eye, and I only have one half-decent one left anyway. 

The short lecture I got when i came in was perfectly correct:  You need to ask for help sometimes.  The people who love you want to help you, so you don't get hurt.  They woudl rather help you, than see you so tired you are short with them, and physically spent and in pain.   

Mike and I had this discussion again last night.  He was hobbling around the house, aching from doing too much, and the damp chill of the day.  SIL and dauhgter have both remarked that he won't accept help, and will work in front of the hired man, instead of stopping and teaching the guy what needs to be done. 

So, he got a loving lecture, about accepting that he isn't going to be able to do this forever, and had better start delegating, while he is still able to teach someone else the ropes. 

I suppose this is what all aging farmers experience.  The trick is to do it with grace. 

[ABCD Farmer]

Must be the season.  I know that I have to take help when I can get it, but ......  I have dealt with hired men doing something they think will help you and ignoring their own duties.  I too would have thanked him for helping but informed him how you would like it done.  If I am on the employee side of things, I would rather be told how my employer would like it done than to do it wrong over and over and then have the employer mad about it. 

My poor calves get to hear me rant and rave sometimes.  It is easy to yell and scream in a barn full of calves and get calmed down before a human has to take the brunt of it.  At least the calves are usually forgiving of my emotions and couldn't care less about what I have to say.

[dairy mom]

same situation came up this morning.  Sweet hired man asked if I still had calves to feed.  I told him yes and thanked him for offering to help in the parlor clean up, but I would finish the parlor when I was done and that he could do his stuff so he could get done and leave.

I really was misinterpreting him the other day I guess.

[Kay/NC]

I look at it this way:  Never reject a gift from a child.  It is kind of a Golden Rule thing in my mind...you have to accept gestures and gifts in the sense in which they were given.   

That may not always be in the sense that you first see things; but, if you try to turn it around into the mindset of the giver, it may make more sense to you. 

Your hired man isn't a child in the strictest sense, but he lives with his mom and has some developmental issues, from the sound of it.  At least this time, he thought to ask first, which gave you the perfect opening to re-direct his efforts to his own duties.  He learned and you learned, too. 

Thanking him was the gracious and kind thing to do. 

[wt510151]

Isn't it wonderful to have a routine all down pat and don't have to really think about the job because it's second nature? Then some good doer comes and wrecks it by helping. You get mad, at your DH for taking your time, at the employee for not following his own routine and staying out of your way, and finally at yourself for not being able to do twice as much in the same amount of time. It is hard to get out of the rut a daily routine brings, but step back. Think that is the day you have and make the most of each and every minute of it by not being angry. That emotion only takes more energy from the body. You did a good job the next day by thanking and teaching the hired hand. Did the rest of the day go better?