comments & prayers

[linda/IL]

Several thoughts here today.  Health:  orthopaedic Dr took another xray which showed bone on bone-no surprise there.  Gave me another cortisone injection which has me a whopper of a headache still along with the face flush.  Go back in a week for Synvisc injection for OA.  Can be done with one injection or over 3.  I say 3; DH thinks 1 due to holiday schedule for Dr.  I always seem to react & would rather play safe.  Dr also questioned my back.  That will probably be next.

Mom still needing help for meds, decorations, snow removal, etc.  Everyday something.  Not up to it today.  Son's family is under stress with her 95 yr gram in hospital with bowel obstruction & needing 4 units of blood which hasn't been ordered because this is her second time in a year for this.  Medicare.   Plus oldest granddaughter is having issues which are being addressed with counselling.  

Mom and brother having issues & now she doesn't want the stress of them coming & staying there.  He seems to be having stress with girlfriend's kids too.  Don't think I'm up for guests right now either.  He always had $$ problems so no motel. 

Enough of my venting.  Nothing compared to some.  A young girl from our school district (Sr.) Has been battling cancer since '09 & went to Washington DC hospital for transplant & was airlifted back as her lungs are filled with too many tumors.  Couple weeks for this girl who radiates sweetness.  So sad.  Needs prayers although she has made her peace.  Sorry to be so down but this has been such sad news.

[Kay/NC]

Linda, you need to make the decisions on your healthcare plan, not convenience.
Stepping off my soapbox on that subject now.

So sorry to hear about the teenager with advanced cancer. Christmas will be bittersweet for that family from now on.

Where is it written that anyone has to host your brother.? If he can afford to come, he should pay for his stay.

If not, stay home and save for next year...or, let Mom make her gift a couple of night's nearby lodging. Grownups do not need gifts of items anymore. To me, that part of Christmas is for the children. If they make paying for the whole trip a priority, I have always found that people the things they want to afford.

Our Christmas plans ate in limbo at the moment. i have said I will not make a plan that requires Winn and his parents to be away fro. Their home on Christmas Day. Hate to make son drive here every holiday, too. Hard to avoid at Thanksgiving.

I am angling in my mind for a quiet gathering at Jenna's house, maybe just a light supper and presents. All I care is that I see them all safe and sound.

Winn and I shared a bit of Elmo's Christmas Countdown show this morning. He likes " Sant" and all the lights, music and is getting his head wrapped around the gifts thing. What happens between that thrill, and the dread we all commiserate about?

I started, then dropped, a post about expectations and disappointments here earlier today...when he walked on for our morning. I see the distance between what we hope for and what actually transpires to be measure of our happiness or sadness. If we keep our dreams more realistic, maybe they can come true.

[turkey feather]

I think Kay is on track here. You mom needs to let some things go now that she has reached an age where she cannot do it all. There is nothing wrong with you saying you cannot these things for her. If brother is coming he needs to be prepared to take care of things. Maybe he just needs to postpone the trip. Seems like they visited a few months ago.

[lawinkle]

Linda, if I lived nearby, first I would shake some sense into you, then I would hug you! Put your foot down. "No." Is a complete sentence.

You and DMom have a right to put your health first. Just do it. Obviously, your loved ones are missing your signals. It is up to you to draw the line.

Good luck and God Bless.

[linda/IL]

DS & I went together but she kept us busy with her little projects.  My replacement lights & fuses didn't work out.  Sent DS to store for replacement light bulb for the oven & that didn't work either.  Should have checked it first.  By then I confessed how lousy I felt which she hadn't noticed.  She seems to be becoming more focused on her own world lately.  Something I think the community of older living apartments, or AL is healthier.  Too much for me to solve today.

[Kay/NC]

It just dies not make sense to me that if a person cannot run their own household anymore, it becomes their child's responsibility to do everything that they might fixate on from one day to the next.

We did this the other way around during the last six weeks of our daughter's pregnancy. She was on bed rest to get the baby grown enough for a safe delivery. You will never know the list of things she came up with that " had to be done", because she had nothing to do but lay there all day thinking of them. This was for six weeks, and I knew the duration pretty much up front...and, it still nearly killed me keeping up.

On a related subject, why is it that if Mom and Brother are at odds, that translates into giving your house over to his sort-of family for YOUR holidays? Crimony! Get along or stay home!

There are worse things than not seeing someone for one holiday. Like I said, if it is important enough to Mom, she will host them.if it is important enough to him, he will either behave or scrape up a few bucks. The last thing I would do is make it easy for them both to be immature, and then turn around and stick you with the job of making their peace.

[turkey feather]

I concur with the good advice being given here. Keep in touch and hang in there.

[Kay/NC]

I have too often in my life felt that I could " fix" things vp etween family members. The truth is, some do not want them fixed. The discord is part of the drama that too many people feed on, in place of finding a real set of positive goals to work towards in this life.

I know people who know my distance from by birth family would say I am no expert on relationships. The truth is, some are worth the pain they cause you, and others are not. I had to make a cakculation of how much I could let blood kin mess up my marriage, tob me of peace, and put myself down. I really have no trouble getting along with almost anyone else on the world...so, I think that it isn't all me.

Dr. Phil always says you cannot give away what you don't have yourself. In this case, if you are making someone else's life easy by killing yourself with work you really shouldn't be doing, that is unfair to your own husband/children/grands, but moreso to yourself. How can you enjoy your Christmas, if you are in pain and exhausted.

There are all sorts of people who are happy to earn a few bucks this time of year. Basement need cleaning out? Hire a few teenagers or college students who want to save for their next iPhone. Perch yourself on a chair by Mom's, and direct loads to the dump, donate, or back to keep.

Yardwork? Make a list, review it with the help, and go inside to have a cup of tea.

I think most of this is exactly what I said about my daighter...not enough else to do but think up problems, and also wanting/needing attention. Make it a tea party, ibstead of an unending chore list. Give her a cute teapot and pair of cups, or dig some out of her collection of possessions, buy a box of good teabags and some good cookues, and tell her she can call you for teatime, but has to hire help from now on. That is all your health permits at present, and probably from now on.

This is really about behavior modification. She is being rewarded with attention every time she has work to be done. It is up to you to break that pattern, by giving her an alternative way that you are willing to spend time with her.

[lawinkle]

That is excellent advice! Very astute on the part about rewarding behavior.

[Ruby Lou]

Linda, so sorry to hear about the young girl.  guess I have never been "close" to someone that had to go through cancer.  As far as you mom, There is such a thing as respite care.  I would get some help with her...you do not have to do it all yourself.  Tell her that you are getting someone to come in as you are not feeling up to par right now and need to rest.  When we took my mom to visit some assisted livings, one of them had a room for respite care.  I am sure it was a room where a loved one could stay if there caregivers had to go away or just needed a break.  On another note, do you have any care giver organizations?  We have what is called Above and Beyond.  They will come in and help with laundry, bathing, light housekeeping and a few meals.  Several ladies in our community have them come in.  My DH is checking on them for my MIL as she is getting very demanding these days.  (Like someone said on here, she has nothing to do but sit around and think of things that need done...and then she is adamant that they are done ASAP!)

My DH must have laid into my MIL, because I haven't heard  much from her this week.  I did ask him if he checked on her and he had.  As far as your brother...tell him you just can't this year...If he still wants to see mom, go see her at the AL!  You take care of yourself!!!