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dairy mom
Senior Contributor

gotta get a handle on something

been having kind of small panic attacks today.  Not exactly sure what is bothering me or what to do about what I think is bothering me but it sure is worrisome.  Gotta learn to control my reactions to things that are said to me.

Hubby accused me of trimming on a small bush we planted last year and now I'm a mess.  Why in the world would I trim on something that is barely alive and still dormant.  Wish we could agree on something, anything.  Pretty sure that not one thing I want done around here will get any attention again this year.

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5 Replies
Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: gotta get a handle on something

You have just concluded a pleasant break away from the farm, visiting with your children and grandkids. Crashing back into the normal workload, coupled with this illogical accusation, is a very stark counterpoint.

I wish you well in thinking the situation through. Will let it lay there for now.
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lawinkle
Advisor

Re: gotta get a handle on something

The main thing is that you cannot control or change anyone but yourself.
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Midwest Farm
Veteran Contributor

Re: gotta get a handle on something

If there is any way you can "remove" yourself from the present reality, go for it. Can you go for a very brisk walk - I'm not talking saunter- for 2 miles? If not, can you just get to another space for 20 minutes, leave your cell phone at home, and just concentrate on breathing? REMEMBER, You are your own person. What your husband or your family or anyone says to or about you is not what the REAL YOU knows.

 

Before you were married, had family, etc. you were an individual and you STILL ARE. Pull out that survivor and rely on her.

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lawinkle
Advisor

Re: gotta get a handle on something

MWFarm that is excellent advice. That, coupled with my comment above, would help DM to send a clear message that SHE is changing her response to their behavior. Changing her response might well be the first step in getting them to change their behavior. But the goal should always be for her to regain some peace and serenity.

Again, excellent advice.
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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: gotta get a handle on something

Just this observation: Big issues can be the sum - or greater than the sum - of countless smaller ones. There was something about that bush problem that really set you off...it was not true, it was unimportant, it was a way of asserting control over you....something.

Mike has a way of taking out frustration by blaming me for something I would never do. Usually, it is that I have mislaid or thrown away a piece of paper.

I have gotten so I will look at him and say, "Yes, I got up this morning, and after 44 years of being your partner, decided to do that, just to hurt you." He realizes then how foolish the statement he just made was...I am the one person who has always had his back, cheered him on.

It is a dynamic I do not like, either. I just won't take it lying down.
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