meals for FIL

[linda/IL]

FIL went home from here on Thurs. and came over for dinner yesterday.  He was late (unusual for him) and told my husband he hadn't had to empty  his colonostomy bag for 2 days.  DIL was here to she checked his abdomen & it wasn't too hard.  I know he just isn't eating well on his own.

We checked on him for the 2nd time today and he reported he'd had oatmeal for breakfast, couple eggs for lunch, & was going to eat shredded wheat & 1/2 of an Ensure for supper.  DH hotfooted it over there with chicken & dumplings I'd just made. (7 M. one way) FIL didn't want to come here & get out in the cold.  He's so thin, there's nothing to keep him warm.

Question:  Any suggestions about getting meals to him?  I checked on "meals on wheels"-discontinued and the Share program only has groceries you sign up for.  I'm not sure I can keep up with sending meals over there & he's so picky.  Ready to disown the rest of the family; they haven't even visited him!  Most haven't even called.  I'm going to go through the Schwan's book.

He's pretty tight but I'm willing to buy any that will fit the bill & keep him healthy.  Radiation will start soon & then that will wear on him too.

[Kay/NC]

Consider making extra of any of his favorite foods, or make a couple of dishes, and portion them out, pack up individual meals, and freeze them for him.  There are some pretty decent and inexpensive sectioned-off plastic containers with lids that you can use.  Check the dollar store.  Some are cheap enough to toss, instead of him having to wash and return them to you. 

Hearty stews make good, easy meals.  Some of those breakfast casseroles with eggs and cheese and such might be good, baked in individual aluminum tart pans.  There are lots of decent ready-made meals in the grocery freezer case, too...mac and cheese, for example. 

His physician should have some dietary guidelines for you...call and ask them to e-mail you a recommended diet, since you are the one who's taken his nutritional needs upon yourself.  Go over it with him, letting him choose what he'd most like to have.  I am fairly sure they will want him to consume a good amount of protein, since it promotes healing. 

Ensure as I understand it is a SUPPLEMENT, not a meal replacement.  He may need teaching on this point.  RNs are supposed to have the right training to engage a patient in educational issues like this.  We spend a lot of time in nusrsing school learning how to teach patients to eat right, properly use their meds, and what the doctor needs to be called about, should any new problems develop.     

I am going to say this:  He's been a very sick man, and this is not a DIY project.  Ask for the help you need to help him.  You need some good advice from professionals who know his case and the care he needs to best carry on with his current challenges. 

I've said it before: he's lucky to have you as a daughter-in-law.  Keep up the TLC. 

[merryyon]

My suggestion is to make and freeze what he likes, make the trip if you can daily, you'll be blessed in the end.  mary

Or, set up a schedule and include the "rest" of the family, give them days to cook & EAT w/Dad.

[suey1973]

Will he accept Home Health Care?   Medicare will pay for it if the Dr.  says it is needed.   I'm finding around here many elderly are very stubborn on letting home health care in.    One woman is afraid that they will be in jail in their own home  if they accept help.   Others don't want to accept that next step.  

With Home Health Care you could get a break.  You know that a Health professional would him see once a week and they can fix a meal too along with other care issues. 

Currently,  I'm finding that my in-laws seem to prefer  ground meat meals.   Ham Balls are cooking right now.   Steak and Pork Chops sound good to them  but then they just don't seem to enjoy them like they would want to.  You know what I mean??

 The suggestion of freezing meals would not work next door here.    At Christmas the relatives left lots of leftovers for them to eat on.   They just can't see all that or remember how to warm up the food so it tastes good.     My MIL  had let almost $100 of food go to waste... But..  the $2 red plastic container left by someone was giving her major anxiety attacks.    I try to make a salad and take over just a little more than one meal's worth.   Same with any meat or desserts.    She probably won't remember it is there if I send too much.   And once that container is clean and empty she will not forget and we HAVE to get it out of her kitchen ASAP. 

They tried freezing meal size portions after thanksgiving and it was all thrown out several months later.  

If you are like me, you are not a nurse and never wanted to be one.   I think that a person should be able to say NO,  I can't do that.   You have the money to get the help you need and you need to pull out that checkbook.   Don't let your health, family or farm suffer because he is too stubborn to accept help from other sources.   You are being a Saint.   But 7 miles on the roads right now could be dangerous.  

[Kay/NC]

Suey is right...I have seen patients who had the services of a home aide every morning, who made her breakfast and lunch, did light housework and laundry, and helped manage medications and such.  Usually, family members check in and bring supper. 

Check with the home health agency in your area...and ask what services he is eligible for under Medicare, then start to advocite to see that he gets them.  It is one thing ot watch over someone in your own home, and something entirely different to do it when they live any distance away. 

I had to insist on home aides for Mike's uncle, even though the hospital social worked assumed that I'd be doing his care aroudn the clock, since we lived on the same place.  I made it clear we wre a half-mile apart, out of sight ot his home, and would not be leaving my children (one with a fairly profound hearigng loss)  alone in their beds while doing a urinary catheter on him every few hours, day and night, 24/7.

These people hear "farm" and "family," and assume that we womenfolk "don't work," and can spend unlimited time and energy on a family member.  While we do the best we can, Suey is right...we have our own responsibilities and they do not go away in the interim.  He may have to pay for some care, or he may be eligible for Medicare to pay for it.  It never hurts to find out....

[wt510151]

Will FIL accept outside help? Many will refuse outside free assistance because of denial or trustworthiness. However they don't see family help as a sign of dependence. Given the reduction of budgets, social workers will try to guilt family members to pick up the slack for their care. Vocalize your weaknesses in giving quality care to the doctors and document this communication. The last thing you need is to be charged for elder neglect.

[linda/IL]

Guess maybe I've misrepresented FIL.  He's capable of taking care of himself and is driving.  But he's weaker than normal & has never been on target for balanced meal preparation.  He is so picky that it's difficult to continually make meals to his liking.  His now deceased wife always said if she had to ever find a new man she wasn't asking what his bank account was but instead would ask what he liked to eat!  LOL  Boring. 

I really don't think with him being in the shape he's in that he would go for "help" from an agency right now.  But I already have some calls in for info in case the radiation takes him down in health.  Most of the time radiation doesn't badly affect but in our son's case that's what made him sick; not chemo.  Tomorrow is first radiation appt. with the dr. then they will mark him.