....here for me. I am SO tired, for numerous reasons that mostly basically boil down to the same old problem. I think what bummed you was his version of " everything v anything", too.
I dragged out of bed this morning, two hours late. Mike had gotten up and onto the road, to move hay in VA. I had rolled over at my usual wakeup time, and passed out so hard, both arms were asleep when I tried to push up off the mattress two hours later.
Sitting here almost three hours after that, after just finishing a phone call with Mike. He wanted me to tell him where to stack 120 big round bales on his place. I have been talking to him about this for over a week, since we decided to take off this cutting. Pros/ cons of this spot v that one...we have over-filled all the barns, or will this cutying. This stuff has netwrap, so could set out okay for this winter.
I go through the " best hay goes in the barn", where you set it has to be well-drained, accessible in bad weather. You cannot put it all around the barn...if that path mucks up too deep...you know the drill. Anyway, as we are discussing this yet again, and I am sitting here, feeling like a cold cow patty, he breaks a cuss fit about not being able to dump it in one place, because of an issue I observe, not for the first time. He forgets....
That was the tipping point for me. Right back atcha! And, BTW, did you happen to notice that while all of you were having a nice after -supper chat last night, that I was fighting to stay awake, lying in the family room floor with Winn?
And, did it occur to you that I had some difficulty watching him and getting your brunch skillet clean yesterday at Jenna's, as he lets himself out and takes off now? What difference would five minutes have made in the haying, compared to him wandering off and ending up in a pond?
I just cannot cope without a few minutes of your help, Honey! Did you think I missed the look you shot me, when I asked you to let him pack your cooloer, so I could finish dishes? Was I finished a minute later, when you brought him back, and booked out of there?
Do you realize this is exactly what you did forecer, when our kids were small, and zi was simply overwhelmed, all day, every day? I am just now recognizing and realizing this is a lot of what has me both physically and mentally exhausyed.
I have melted all the way down today. It is that same, damned "my everything is more important than your anything" thing again. I went all the way to this is what made me so exhausted, delressed, and angry thirty years ago, and I refuse to go there and stay there again.
It isn't the child/children's fault...it is one grownup who feels the sun will not shine today, unless he is out there pushing it over the horizon. I just cried and cursed, and said that his making a living is NOt more important than us having a life.
I do not want to travel, lunch with girlfriends, and I even had to give up workng out at the gym, because everything else is more important than anything I wnt or need to do. Okay, neglect me, but five minutes so I can scrub out the pan from the meal I just made you, so our only grandchild doesn't trek off with the coyote and bears?
I am honestly at a loss as to how to get this man to change...I knkw he has to want to, in order fir that to gappen. I try to get him to stop and take a few minutes in the midst of it, but get THAT look, or THE remark. This isn't just a small matter...it is safety and sanity at stake here....
