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Senior Contributor

Re: Everything v anything again...

Kay, I wish I had some good advice for you but I don't. I feel and understand your anger.

I used to wonder why people who had been married for decades would divorce. Now I understand how it happens. These things build and build without changing plus as we age our personalities also age and change.Maybe it is the same old things that bug us get to just be too much. With retirement there is more together time also.

Just take a day at a time. Maybe you need a complete day of rest?

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Senior Contributor

Re: Everything v anything again...

I was absolutely dumbfounded when a neighbor couple divorced after 50 yrs of marriage.  Knew them well and also knew that he had grown a different direction than her, and that she seemed to have some mental (depression) issues.

4 grown children and also grands.  And no one knows what goes on in private lives.

 

I NOW realize the situation.  Not that I am divorcing but at this point in life (we will be married 50 yrs in Dec.) I can understand it.  Couples grow different directions.  And when you reach a certain age you have a "bucket list" whether it be places to travel, or things to do, etc.  And sometimes the spouse just doesn't take all that seriously.  You only have to look at the obituaries to know there isn't always a lot of time.  When you finally slow down in your work load you look at the big picture and even after such a long time, you aren't always on the same page be it every day issues or the future.

 

And sometimes you just cannot believe that the other spouse doesn't get the daily issues after all this time.  Kay, maybe you had better take that lunch with the girls, etc. and step away for a little "me" time.   Maybe Mike will appreciate your views more.

 

 

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Honored Advisor

Re: Everything v anything again...

We are far from retiring...thank goodness! I really rested Sunday, was bushed. When daughter came through to drop her friend and her child and horse for their split trip home, Winn decided he wanted to spend the night. I fully understood...he gets SO burned out in the carseat, and had already done three hours there at least.

He did great, bit my sleep was a bit broken, you know how it is. My day yesterday then shofted quickly from keeping him here to him slending the night there, to meeti g daughter at three to swsp him, to them having to get up hay until after dark, because rain suddenly showed up for today.
I managed fine, until the " Let's bale in both stateson one day" decision came about. That was when two hours of PaPa busy turned into swveral more, with the drive, too.

That meant late evening...I moved Winn south during his naptime, so was driving during his rest time. He vouldn't have bern sweeter, but a boy needs a Legos buddy, you know! I was just propping my eyelids open. Couldn't move this morning. Then, that phone call...

I just wonder what his brain is doing, when we are discussing these things in advance. It us like, " Oksy, I have this load of bales...now, where am I supposed to put it?" Yes, he was asking if he can dump 120 round bales right in front of that pretty rental house.................

Sure, Honey! But, you have a week to move them, or they kill the lawn, so ehy not bushhog the spot we agreed on, and set them down right to start with? That was the eginning of his cuss fit, and what set me off.

At least I have started a hot lead on a new house tenant, on,ine while fagged out this morning. Texted him their info, that they may ride by to see it befire I can get there, tomorrow evening.

Now, he realizes that we do not need to screw that up, and lose snother $1000 a month, just to keep him from having to spend thirty minutes running a machine that is already on the tractor....
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Honored Advisor

Re: Everything v anything again...

Mike is a very good man. Better than i deserve, I am sure. He is just clueless when a job to do is hanging over him. I understand he cannot sit up in the house... His Daddy was always outside and busy, too. Once he got big enoigh, he was out with him.

What I think is different is that his Mom had one baby, then 16 years had another. She kept our kids only on sick days...which I greatly appreciated. He has no concept of how hard it is to watch a VERY active little boy and get anything else at all done. I need that five - minute bathroom break, or as yesterday, a few minutes to deal with stuck-on eggs in the skillet

Seriously, he grabbed a ukelele, and let himself out onto the front porch to play. Fine, if he stays there, but thevpond is a hundred yards away at most. No fence to thwart him. We find tracks of every wild thing in the yar between.

I am not wanting anything but some workout time, and get two afternoons once preschool starts. Was promised help fkr my therspy on the knee, but, uhhhhhhhh!

Yes, I am angry and bitter. Daughter dies exactly what her Daddy does. Ge sees it in her, but gas to have it pointed out to him when he is her bad example. And, they bith say I am too irrate...wonder why? .
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Senior Contributor

Re: on being a 62 year old woman/update

Anyway saw the NP yesterday. Took blood. Working from the angle that my thyroid needs attention. She said actually numbers had been climbing for the last couple of years but she hadn't felt the need to up the dosage. I have taken the medication for probably a good 15 years now. Waiting for results and her decision. They called at noon but I was asleep and hubby said he missed the call. I called office back then she couldn't get through on the land line. Missed her on my cell I think because I didn't hear it ring as I was standing close to the vacuum pump, air compressor and washing machine in the parlor back room as I started my evening chores. At least hubby helped with chores this evening and I didn't have to shovel TMR or carry grain. Wonder if I can get him to help in the morning again? Used to be we had employees do that part of calf chores because I'm too slow, but son wants it done really well this time, so it's me doing it. After all it's the cream of the crop in heifers that we're keeping now. Found a message on my cell that if she didn't get through on that problematic land line (don't really know if it's the line or if we just really need to get a different phone) she'd reach me Thursday. So anyway all that tells me it's probably nothing serious, and I'll just calm down and keep moving and wait to hear. Wanted to call the pharmacy to see if she left scripts but hubby says to wait till I talk to her. Going to have to push hard in the morning because found out a little while ago dil scheduled a meeting with the accountant here in the afternoon and you can still tell that grandkids were here over the weekend. Looking forward to the day when business will be done if the as of yet unfinished office instead of my home. Accountant tomorrow and banker Thursday.

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Senior Contributor

Re: on being a 62 year old woman/update

I was so glad it was your post coming on this morning.  You have more patience than I.  I would probably be marching in to the office for a face to face after all the missed calls.  Or checking with the pharmacy.  Why not get some help with cleaning & charge the farm account-they are using your home as a business office?

Honored Advisor

Re: on being a 62 year old woman/update

More important than the cleaning is the boundary between the business and your home life.  If I am not running things anymore, I would let DIL be hostess to the meetings.

 

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Senior Contributor

Re: on being a 62 year old woman/update

yes with the cost over runs they had the office didn't get done.  There is internet out there so all the cow records are out there but all the financials are still done in the house.  She can't keep Jude with her when it's just bare concrete floor, no bathroom or air or heat out there.  Finishing that is way at the top of priorities on the go round that should be starting  after the banker is here Thursday.

Jude's at day care today for the meeting with the accountant but he'll be here for the meeting with the banker.

I'm more than happy to watch Jude when she's here doing her stuff, usually just one day a week but I don't and won't be babysitter for her other job.  Quite frankly I like it that none of my kids have been settled close enough to expect day care from me.  I did my time as a mother,  I don't want to be running kids all over the place at this point in my life.  Really there is a reason you have kids when you are young.  I admire grandparents who step in when needed but I also feel a little sorry for those kids because I know I sure don;'t have the energy nor the passion to do for my grand kids what I did for my kids.

I think about the man that was our DHIA tech for years.  A huge man, very obese, his wife was also.  Then their daughter was killed by her estranged husband and they ended up with her 2 girls.  Those poor little girls.  Not only did they see their mother killed by their dad (they were 2 and 4 at the time) but they have grown up in a household where he sleeps in a recliner because he cannot breath laying on a bed and the cardinal rule is "don't drop anything because I will not and cannot bend over and pick it up"  I remember sorta an elaborate method he showed me for washing my calf buckets so I wouldn't have to bend over.  Sad to live that way.

I mostlyt keep a clean house so not a big deal most of the time.  Just a little lived in right now after the last week and a half draggin rear like I've been doing it. 

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Honored Advisor

Re: on being a 62 year old woman/update

I get your drift on grandkids, but have never regretted being Winn's main caregiver. I really think being responsible for him daily sacpved me from completely collapsing in a heap when Jenna passed. I am also glad for the bond we have. He is a loving little boy, sometimes rougher than a wood rasp...so, needs a firm hand in guidance.

I have no issues with getting down on the floor and scrambling with him and a pile of blocks, a bazillion Legos, or playing outside. We are getting catch down, and his basketball shot ian't bad for three. I have spent time with a friend of our son's, who was with old women all day. He was very weird, so I was aware of the potential problems with that....

Yesterday, winn came in with a datchel of toy tools, dumped them in the family room floor, slid underneath his play table, and started calling out for each tool in turn. We play, " You can have as many nails as you can count", then head out with his real tiny hammer to the stump out by the yard chairs. He takes a coil of rope, and weaves intricate traos allaround the playyard. We hunt for treasure in the sandboxes. I think he is plenty active, but I work pretty hard to maintain this mobility.

Hope it all works out for the office completion. I know making dedicated workspace outside my house is very important to me.

It just gives you a boundary. It is very easy to muddle your work and private life without them. That means you are always at work. No real leisure time, and meetings make you feel on display, even if your house is okay.

On the overall aggravation you had the other day, I really think you were the most burnt up by him equalizing your needs for the barn with what the employee wants. My response would be, " Well, as soon as we get my fixes done, you can start on her ideas."

We just had a difference of opinion on how to move equipment and get one truck in for new tires today. I just said, " Whatever suits you...but, I am leaving for my appointment at one." If he would rather sit in a tire shop than drop it off and pick it up, fine with me...as long as I don't gave to waste time that way.
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Senior Contributor

Re: on being a 62 year old woman/update

Good points Kay. I am proud of the time we spent with our grandchildren although we rarely got to see two of them. I think grandparents give children another prespective in learning and also the tradition. I will never regret the time I have given them. But I am wondering how I can keep up with the very smart one year old for a couple of hours a day as he grows smarter and faster.

 

I too hope you don't have to wait too long for the outside office space.

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