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turkey feather
Senior Contributor

Re: passwords, etc.

Those are good points. Someone reported my DM's driving and the doctor had her license stopped. She never forgave me and I had nothing to do with it. I don't want to be unkind either but I found that there  comes a time when the child has to become the parent and make decisions that are very difficult.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: passwords, etc.

Do you ever find yourself wondering when this transition will happen to us? Honestly, I have had a week where I have called a Carolina Jasmine a California Jasmine, and on a flat of marigolds on clearance yesterday, I asked the clerk to mark down my magnolias. This is the stuff that worries me....

What will happen when we can't drive ourselves around anymore, when the bank at the county seat is closing, and that means the closest one is 35 minutes away? How long does the grocery store stay open, when the s no bank in town. I know I joke about buying groceries online, but it will be our only option in the direction we are headed now.

I hope I will not drive our daughter and son to distraction. If I ever thought I would get as men as a couple of relatives of ours, I would be ashamed to live as long as they have....
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linda/IL
Senior Contributor

Re: passwords, etc.

Kay, I know what you mean.  I find it scary that I often can't remember why I went upstairs.  Or can't remember the word I'm searching for.  Talking with the feed rep about how few young people have checking accounts (what do they do?) and how many folks don't carry a check book anymore.  Instead using a credit card or debit card.  Less red tape for sure.

 

I truly hope I make the decision to move to a apartment/assisted living on my own instead of having my kids have to make me.  And the same with driving privileges. 

 

My mom has always said she prays not to be a burden but is reckoning that she is getting there even though she tries.

Ruby, she has a checking account but I pay online her monthly bills and check her balance.  She always wanted me to do a weekly balance on the checkbook but I don't have ttime to run there every week for just a couple checks and she gets confused anyway so why?

 

Right now I'm going through a lot of appointments with her (5 different drs.) and along with everything else I'm about bonkers.  I do not know WHY I react to all this like I do.  Not enough sleep, my own issues, etc. but really, it's no excuse.  I'll be there soon enough, I hope.  DH says she'll probably bury me if I don't get a handle on things.

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turkey feather
Senior Contributor

Re: passwords, etc.

That post reminds me of one of the saddest insurance appointments I ever had. This poor woman must have been in her mid fifties and looked so much older and in really poor health and very stressed. I can still see us setting there many years later as she told me that her mother had made her promise to never put the mother in a nursing home. That is the most selfish thing a mother can do to her children in my view. There are many circumstances where there is absolutely no other choice. I thought that day and many times afterward that the mother would surely outlive the daughter.

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Jim Meade / Iowa City
Senior Advisor

Re: passwords, etc.

"I truly hope I make the decision to move to a apartment/assisted living on my own instead of having my kids have to make me. And the same with driving privileges."

This is very wise.  Moving out of a familiar house into a strange envirionment is stressful.  It is like moving to another state or country.  There is culture shock.  It takes 6-9 months to begin to feel comfortable and at ease.

If you do this while you are fairly vigorous and active, you will integrate faster.  You'll feel better and will take up new activities and make new friends faster.  All this reduces the stress of the move.

Besides, if you do this while you are competent, you do it on your terms, not on terms someone else is trying to ram down your throat.

One thing I'm doing is the next house we have, and there will be one, will be very friendly for less mobile people.  I'm told it only costs about another 5% if plans are made while the house is built.

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turkey feather
Senior Contributor

Re: passwords, etc.

Two other insurance in-home stories. A man had a really good nursing home policy and had a stroke and was hospitalized. The premium notice came to the home but the wife did not know how to write a check and the policy lapsed just when it was needed.

 

Another couple had two disability policies with the same company. The wife died and when the premium notices came the husband assumed the company had made a mistake and threw one away. A very short time after this he had an accident and needed that coverage but it was lapsed.

 

This is why there are insurance agents who a client can call and why both partners need to know what is going on and where to find things.

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linda/IL
Senior Contributor

Re: passwords, etc.

Jim, I'm with you on your post.  My brother asked me if I would be interested in my mom's home as a retirement home.  I said no. While her's is a sweet little 3 BR ranch, probably 40 yrs. old, and our home here is over 100, we still have the best layout for a disability.  2 bath, one on the main floor with a walk in shower.  Laundry on main floor and a small BR on the main floor.  Her's has 1 bath w/tub, laundry in basement.  Very nice lot and it does have an attached garage (not one here) but the next move wouldn't be there.

 

I wish she would have moved to an apartment after dad died.  They looked at them; he thought that would be a good place for her, but she wouldn't go.  Now at 93 I'm not sure it would be a wise move.  She just wouldn't get out to make friends there I'm afraid.  An assisted living would be next I think in a yr. or two.

 

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linda/IL
Senior Contributor

Re: passwords, etc.

Don't understand it.  Never did get the bank called about not getting online.  Entered password that did't work just for the heck of it and it went through!  Who knows. 

 

I keep a little address book in my desk with all my passwords in it.  Lotsa crossouts on some sites like this bank site.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: passwords, etc.

It isn't being admitted, but I am finding a lot of problems with online stuff for the last several weeks. There is a lot of hacking going on...not just idle stuff done by college kids anymore. No one will tell us the truth, because it would scare the beejeebers out of us, if we knew the truth, I believe.
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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: passwords, etc.

Jim's post is about the tipping point, where you feel ready to give up the life you have known, and admit that it is probably going to be more than you can manage soon. Mike and I talk about this sometimes...i have broken each ankle, the second one so severely that I was tied to a walker for a week, and that gives you a taste of mobility issues that could be down the road.

There are a lot of considerations other than how many steps are between you and the bathroom...for us, heating with wood, it is conceivable that neither house we occupy now would be suitable, once loading a big firebox is beyond our capabilities.

I actually commented to Mike, as we were working on our first house, readying it for new tenants, that it is the one we currently own that is best suited to elder living. Then again, it is a mile down a farm path that has to be maintained, too.

Staying in touch is so much easier now, with the Internet, air travel, etc., that moving farther away might be an option...I doubt we would take it, though.

When I consider the question with an open mind, living in a walkable town or city, especially one that has golf cart road rules, makes good sense to me. One small town in our NC county fits that bill, if they can draw a doctor back when the ancient one there now passes on.

This would be the growth industry for some smart MD...make a practice and diversify into a few of the other infrastructure items needed - healthy foods market, pharmacy, laundry service, etc., a step more independent that assisted living, but with the amenities in a tight radius. Lawn service, transportation, etc. Rent office space to dental and eye doctor visiting providers, as most small towns have these a day or so each week anyway. I would live there!
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