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Senior Contributor

"Big" day

Yesterday was my birthday & I had many friends/family who posted or emailed me & asked what I was going to do on my "big day".  I'm long past childhood expectations but sometimes you do kind of plan a more special day. 

However, mine was kind of lousy.  I got a reaction from a lotion & broke out on my neck (itchy, itchy) that benedryl & cortaid didn't help.  Didn't want to go to the doctor yet as allergies are a rider & that isn't how I want to spend my money if I don't have to.  And the benedryl I took the night before still had me in a fog until after lunch.  Didn't have any specific plans-my mom wanted to go shopping, again, which I could have handled.  Had some kids that were supposed to show up for work.  Didn't call & didn't show.  So I wouldn't have had to stay home for lunches after all.  (Sound familiar, Suey?)  They didn't have a ride here.  Did go to a fish fry last night and ran into several friends for a quick chat.

So.  Do you ever have a day planned that you think will be special or you're just looking forward to and then find it fall flat?   Too much expectation?  Or maybe it just doesn't happen at all?  We farm gals know that scenario.  How do you work out of you funk? 

I really need to get more of a social life I guess.  Feeling better today but still kind of itchy.  

Unfortunately mom still wants to go shopping. Smiley Sad   

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Senior Contributor

Re: "Big" day

Thank goodness I have not had any real health issues to deal with this past year.   Not even a cold.    Maybe it is those 2 Diet Pepsi habit.      One thing that really helped my attitude is walking into a clean house after my housecleaner has left.   Granted,  I do have to put in over an hour getting it picked up.      Sometimes,   we will put on a favorite movie.    Airplane,  Hot Shots,  Top Secret,  and Blazing Saddles can change an attitude.    If I need to get moving a  I pop in  Kenny Loggins Danger Zone  or the Top Gun Soundtrack.    


We are almost done dealing with help that won't show up.    One quit yesterday,   as you know we could have fired him easily.    But,  we kind of hoped that he would appreciate the job enough to show us little respect and consideration.   He has no money,  and I lives for partying with his  "knot head friends".    Unfortunately,   he has started dating my part time hog help.   So I may have lost her too.   Only 12 litters left to pig so I think I can handle it.       He quit over being asked to reduce cell phone use.   Notice we asked did not demand.  Earlier this week a neighbor reported he sat in the pickup for an HOUR,   instead of  tearing out fence.   We had been annoyed alot about how long he could be gone on some jobs and anytime we saw him when he thought no one was watching checking his phone.     So if you are thinking of having employees  make sure you have a phone policy. 


Spent enough time here for now.    Got to go the hog chores  so Tom can get tractors and equipment field ready.   The manure wagon pump is really broke.    Got 2 good days of manure hauling in this week and all manure pits are safe  with the predicted rains.   


Oh yes,   Way to go ILLINI!    It is fun to particpate in  NCAA brackets.   Louisville really messed me up  but I'm sure 90% of the people are hurt too. 



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Re: "Big" day

Well, happy belated birthday wishes! 

Tell Mom you have an itchy rash, and do not want to go to town and scratch all day.  There's the silver lining in that cloud....

Linda, I have finally figured out how NOT to have disappointment.  It's really a very simple thing, and it doesn't require much in the way of change. 

It is something you do within yourself, and thus is not dependent upon anyone else being cooperative or helpful in any way.  In my mind, that is a real plus.  You cannot actually control the actions of others, or have to expend so much energy to do so, it's questionable as to whether or not it's even worth the trouble. 

Here is the secret:  The problem with "big" days is the expectations we have that others will help make them different from every other day.  Where you feel disappointed is when the expectations you have for the day are not met. 

Here's the mathematical/emotional equation:  Expectations for the day - actual events of the day = disappointment. 

If the difference between expectations and events is the measure of your disappointment, then you can do one of two things:  Improve the actual events, or lower your expectations.  The simplest solution is to adjust or abandon your expectations. 

If you do not look forward to too much, given whatever circumstances are in your life at that point in time, then your expectations cannot fall short.  I think this is why that idea of your lover sending you flowers out of the blue, "just because," is so much more satisfying than receiving them on an anniversary or Valentine's Day.   I'd rather find mine at the door with a handful of daffodils pilfered from the bed out front, or a single wildflower he found on the farm, than have the florist's delivery van roll up in the driveway on a "mandatory flower occasion." 

You know exactly what I mean...every woman does. 

So, when I plan a special day, it is alone, doing whatever I want to do that day, here or away.  Stick a good book or Kindle into my pocketbook, if i am leaving, so I have something I really enjoy reading in hand.  I just give myself some time to be by myself, to enjoy a few creature comforts. 

I do stuff like get a mani/pedi, browse a good bookstore, have my car washed and cleaned out inside, browse a couple of stores I enjoy.  Might go to a really nice grocery store and pick out some special stuff like a new chutney or different salad dressing to try.  I may not buy a thing - very often, I just look and see that I already have things at home I like more than what they are selling that day.   I will probably sit and have a cup of coffee or tea, and read for a while, in peace.  It is really in a way a day to relax, just in a different place than home.  I guess it's a mini-vacation. 

At home, a big day is often one when I just get a spot that's been bugging me really neat and organized.  If I "plan" a day to do that, as I did earlier this week, it will invariably be disrupted, as that one was with telephone calls.   Instead of being disappointed, I was happily surprised to have spent a couple of hours talking with friends who called out of the blue.   The mess I wanted to tackle is still waiting for me to get around to it another day.  Messes are really cooperative that way.

The last day I can remember feeling really aggravated and disappointed was one day last summer, when I had a flat tire on the way to Rocky Mount.  I had a full set of errands I wanted to pursue, and instead ended up waiting for AAA, hobbling along on the doughnut spare, then getting the tire repaired and remounted, and basically being held hostage by that hunk of malfunctioning rubber.   It took up almost four of my six hours of fun time that day, and the other two were the drive.  All I did on my list was get some supplies at Sam's.  A near-total bust. 

I called Mike while waiting for AAA that day, and started to fuss about it messing up my day.  He said, "Well, honey, you can just go again tomorrow, and do what you wanted to do today." 

The truth was and is, I really could do that, if I wanted to do that stuff so badly.  None of it was "need to do," it was all "want to do."  Once I realized I could indeed do what I wanted to do the very next day, if I wanted to do it, I was not so disappointed anymore.  I just calmed down and got through a crummy one with a bum tire. 

So, I'd say that if your birthday was a bust as "big" days go, get up one morning soon and give yourself the gift of the day you wished you had gotten yesterday.   You owe it to yourself.    


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Re: "Big" day

Pretty sure you've already thought about this, but you may want to call and disconnect his service, even if you have to pay for his phone.  Idiots like that can figure out all sorts of ways to mess you over for more money. 

On the phone that much, he was up to something...maybe texting the other helper all day.  You may want to ask your carrier for a detali of his number's usage before you pay him any severance or final pay.  I would dock him if necessary for excessive usage, and not pay anything until he returns the phone.  As I said, something is up with this one. 

You wer able to deal with this bum for preciesly the same reason I explained to Linda: You stop really expecting anything important from him.  Your statement that you "kind of hoped he would appreciate the job..." is a classic example of what I mean. 

You had a hope (which is a kind of soft expectation) and he did not rise up to meet it.  Hope - his behavior = disappointment. 

I am not sayign that we should abandon all expectations for our employees, fellow volunteers, and family members.  I am just saying that we need to prepare for the fact that we may suffer disappointment if/when they fall short.  If you are prepared, you can cope better. 

This realization has helped me just like when I finally realized that anger is fear that is not addressed or resolved.  If it's left to fester, ferment and grow, fear can make you one angry individual.  Same deal with expectation and disappointment.  Understanding it can give you the power to control your reaction to it, instead of feeling powerless. 


Diet Pepsi must be a wonder drug, for you to be able to tolerate this kind of crap.  Almost tempts me to try it! 

I keep wandering into the kitchen, looking for "something."  Trying to walk out empty-handed.  I just know it is that evil Coke Zero monkey, whispering my name.  I need to put this computer aside and go upstairs to break some glass, or tackle Mike's mess on the workbench.  Maybe that little ape won't be able to find me there!

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Re: "Big" day

First of all, Happy Birthday, Linda!  Sorry you had a messed up day and I hope you get a chance to have that day off just to yourself that Kay just described.  It will work wonders. 


I get out of a funk as quickly as I allow myself to...which, when I am in a funk, can be anywhere from an hour to a day to two.  I am not moody by nature but I do get disappointed sometimes by what I perceive as a lack of basic consideration by others.  I guess I try to be considerate and I set myself up for disappointmetnt by expecting the same in know, "do unto others" but in reverse??  I know I should lower my expectations but I know that others have high expectations of me ( or have I just spoiled them?? LOL) so I guess I feel they should step up to the plate in return...bad, bad thinking on my part....


I don't usually have much time for a whole day to myself...I think I wrote about one a few weeks ago where I actually said "no" and did what I wanted to do for a whole day....That was an unbelievable treat.  Even though it was not just for me I actually took a day off on Tuesday and went with Ed and our guests to Amish Country. That was wonderful.


Usually I have to take my special "me" time in small bits and pieces.  I try to keep alert to those opportunities and give myself a small break when I need one.  It could be tidying up my craft room...(why is it that I can tidy up in that space and it feels like heaven but tidying up anywhere else feels like work?? LOLOL), sorting out seasonal clothes and looking at them in a new way that allows me some variety without buying something new...I like to figure out new ways of pairing things...I also like to leaf through a pile of magazines just looking for recipes or decorating ideas...


One way I can definitely escape the chaos is to make myself a cup of tea, duck into my home office and either read the Bible or say my Rosary.  NO ONE bothers me when I am doing that.  Praying definitely brings me out of a funk.


I have to say it has been a while since I have had a truly disappointing watch....just because I said that I will have one soon....




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Re: "Big" day

I used to call them "mental health" days.  I'm sure you've heard that phrase.  Everyone needs one now and then, don't you think?

Meanwhile, maybe we've taught "them" to expect too much from "us."  

Yah think?!?

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