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dairy mom
Senior Contributor

resolutions revisitied

Went to the doctor yesterday.  Just can't get to feeling good.  Have a UTI and the bronchitis of a few weeks ago still isn't completely gone.  No wonder I've been feeling so slow and decrepit lately.  And my blood pressure is through the roof.

Anyway it got me to thinking about what I had been thinking of and trying to plan for this year.

Haven't made much progress at all it figuring out how to deal with the toxicity in my life.

So got to get really really serious because it is obviously taking a real toll on me  Have got to shut my ears to the negative and go with my plan and get myself together.

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9 Replies
wt51015
Senior Contributor

Re: resolutions revisitied

Wish you the best as you will be able to go through with the plan. Placing yourself first so you can help others is key to remember. I always put myself behind and look what it got me. Don't allow the toxicity to put you behind so much you can't get better. Do it now and don't have any regrets about it. You are worth doing this for.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: resolutions revisitied

Really hope for you that you get a grip on whatever it is that is eluding you in achieving this goal. You have a lot of company on the negativity surrounding you...my husband and daughter have been driving me nuts for about a year ( probably much longer, really) now. It is both at fault. I have told them to go ahead and fight outside my earshot, because it is killing me.

Made him laugh yesterday, on our way to Jenna's. It was exactly about the subject of griping...he can be such a grouch. The crew got up 45 acres of hay, Wednesday about 14, the rest Thursday...31 acres up in a day is a record for us. We got crunched by this storm coming our way. I was remarking upon how they did it without a single cross word, and he said he never says one...HAH!

My point is that farming is gard enough, without yiur family being difficult while they are doing it, too.

Winn and I got supper going Thursday morning, had leftovers and sandwich & salad stuff in the refrigerator for their lunches, and left for the day. I honestly thought it was going to be a nightmare, and Ai was determined he and I weren't going to be caight in the middle of it.

The kids called in his cousin,and paid our hired man a bit of overtime, and one of daughter's friends dropped by and drove truck for a while. When we got back, Winn got to help haul a few bales in from the field, and learned to " throw that lever" wrapping some bales, too.

I heated up the food, fed him, got his bath, and stayed out of everyone's way. They straggled in from dark on, and stayed at the table, recapping a perfect haying day, until after ten. If we ever had a totally happy day farming, that was it.

To be honest, Wednesday, I was just ready to walk away from it all. It just seems so hard sometimes, and I have, like you, been sick pretty much since fall. Ear still stopped up, so hard of hearing, so frustrating! Feel depleted overall...bloodwork is great, so it is just accumulated crud. Still depleting.

I think your resolution is going to have to be about how you deal with your elements of negativity. i have tried tirelessly to get my two idiots to get along for too long. That just prolonged the process. They need to work it out, or break it up. I have told them both to stop complaining to me...I cannot fix what's wrong between them. I know what it is and why it is, but have no power to change it.

Remember the Serenity Prayer...the trick is really having wisdom enough to know what you can change, and what you cannot. If there is such a negative person or people in our lives, we have to ask ourselves if we can change them or not. I have decided to let my problems work themselves out for now. I am stepping aside from being referee...took off my striped shirt and threw away my whistle.

I am a real believer in behavior modification. I need to analyze our situation better, to figure out what's rewarding my idiots for their behavior. We are intelligent women...we should be able to figure this out, right? If we continue to absorb the negative energy, it will continue making us ill.

My big fuzzy idiot is on his way off to correct a wrong purchase this morning, the pretty one is on her way to a horse show. There is a hie handle with my name on it, and I need to photograph a plant for my nursery lady to ID this morning. I have a Dirt Thetapy appointment, hoping it doesn't get cancelled by rain.

Funny, but noone follows me to the garden, but Winn. He says we are a " great team".

That is the kind of spirit we all need to carry, isn't it? That is all I have ever wanted to be...part of a team. I think that is what we all really want, in the final analysis.
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linda/IL
Senior Contributor

Re: resolutions revisitied

I too feel for you DM.  Why is it that the women of the family have to carry the load/responsibility of trying to keep peace?

"Blessed are the peacemakers. . . ."    Sounds like you are taking the brunt of it with your health. 

 

Right now DS#1 & DH are butting heads but DS doesn't realise it.  However, stomachs are churning here.  Truthfully wish we were not even getting together tomorrow, Mother's Day.  And I will have to hide all these feelings from my mom, who is the Geat Inquisitor.  Seems to have a talent for poking at a festering scab with everone she talks to. 

 

She is taking more of my patience & time than I have but I know I just need to be understanding.  She will only allow the gal I booked to come one day a week-can't afford her she thinks.  But she is willing to pay $5/hr more for a cleaning gal she likes (that her friends have) when her house is already clean.  In the meantime I am falling behind more & more because of her needs & helping out with grandkids. 

 

I think I should have booked a weekend away for Mother's Day.

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dairy mom
Senior Contributor

Re: resolutions revisitied

You know if it was just a couple of people not getting along or conflicting I could probably do pretty well.  But this is patterns and attitudes that were set and allowed a long time ago that I am now finding intolerable.  

It is really hard to undo mistakes from a long time ago.  In fact probably can't be done.  I just have to figure out how to get my head where I can tolerate what I used to and stop or stall the growth of some really bad attitudes and accept what the future is going to hold because I should have addressed some things way before now.  You really can't teach an old dog new tricks, especially when you taught bad ones to begin with.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: resolutions revisitied

i just put my foot down on Mike. This is a hreat example: We are having a nice brunch here in the getaway kitchen, nothing really pressing, because we are supposed to have three rainy days. He asks if we stay over again tonight, will I help him move equipment to my farm 12 mikes away. Sure, just not after dark.

Then the trailer with one piece on it comes up, and he starts griping about daughter wanting that to move hay to customers. I stopped still in my tracks, bewteen the stove and the table, and said, " Stop it! You arei pick g a fight with her, and she isn't even here. The trailer sits 99% of the year, and you want to make an imaginery battle over the remaining one percent..."

See what I mean about this being idiotic?!?

Yes, the longer it gkes on, the deeper the groove wears. Have had it with this broken record. I may not be able to stop them from griping, but I don't have to dit still and listen to it anymore.

Honestly, if a person knows their complaints aren't getting them what they want, they eventually stop complaining, or figure out another way to approach the situation. From now on, I fully intend for their vectors of verbal barbs not to go through me.

DM, you may not be able to fix the problem, so maybe you can do what I am trying, and simply step out of the line of fire. I have gotten up and walked out of the room...go into the bathroom...Mike will follow me to the bathtub to gripe, but I have started kicking him our if he does...I mean, Damn! Calgon can't take me far enough away some days.

Anyway, back to the house from errands, late brunch done. He just said we can stay over a sevond noght, which NEVER happens. That means moving double the equipment, but that's fine with me. I am heading out for another dose of dirt now....

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turkey feather
Senior Contributor

Re: resolutions revisitied

I heard on TV last night that is now proven that men and women's brain are indeed different. Men's transistors (I hope that is the correct word) in the brain sent signals between each other moving from the forehead to the back of the brain. In Women's brains the signals move from side to side.  We just do not think in the same way.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: resolutions revisitied

When you teally think about brain differences, men yend to be on one track at a time, whereas women have to literally multitask...how else would we raise kids, cook a meal, etc., all at one time?

Losing female hormones shifts us to thinking more like " them", from my experience. More linear, less divergent. I guess each evolved for its own purposes.
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turkey feather
Senior Contributor

Re: resolutions revisitied

I do know I cannot multitask like a could at one time. It seemed so simple then but almost impossible now.

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Kay/NC
Honored Advisor

Re: resolutions revisitied

Turkey, it is hormones. When we are in childbearing mode, if all we could focus on at once was one thing, the human race wouldn't have lasted this long. Once we are done with our eggs, we get a chance to focus on one thing at a time, and see how asy men have had it all their lives, jentally.

I really noticed this when I started watching Winn, well past menopause. I was unable to do that and hardly anything else. It isn't just being older, it is neing differently able, functionally.
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