Analyze this...

[Kay/NC]

I agree totally that being outdoors is good for the spirit...but, this goes deeper, I think, to what Fairymom says above. I never eanted to be a cheerleader...I eanted to be on the court, playing point guard, acting as the playmaker.

Being an at-home mom was important to me, but I honestly got burned out with Mike's "my job is do important" mentality. A shade of that came back last week, while I was Winn's sole caregiver, right near the end of the mo th of his pther grandparents' big trip.

He had promised he would back me up so I could get my stretchimg therapy. You are talking five hours out of an entire week (two one- hour sppointments, 35 minutes away, and shower/ change), where I was keeping things done here and feeding them as late as yen p.m. He started making noises about being too busy...and Hell flew into me.

I do not have to ask him twice right now. I think that made me so furious, it scated him. Maybe that is why I asked the question to start with...out of pure frustration.

[SLC]

I hate that..   Yes their job is important but that does not make yours less important.     That issue gets raised around here from time to time.   

Right now since it's cold outside, I'm cleaning my desk off and filing some things away..  I will feel good about it but no one else will notice.   

[wt51015]

In addition, mental work is more taxing to some than physical work. It all comes down to doing what you are best at and teamwork with attitude. Just been too wet to get anything planted here. Thank goodness we got some acreage planted to wheat last year.

[dairy mom]

Mark pulled something similar on me this weekend.  But I don't think he has any remorse and would do it again in a heart beat.

He has very set attitudes and mostly I don't fight them much.

Like before we had the farm and he worked away every day and I was home with the kids.  We once had a conversation about vacation.  I wanted to plan a fun vacation for the family.  But his attitude was he was the one that worked and the vacation time was his to do what he wanted.  And it wasn't going anywhere with a wife and 4 kids.   He took his vacation time so he could hunt  and be at his dad's farm when he felt like he wanted to.  Even though most weekends and many evenings were at least partly spent there..  I was simply suppose to appreciate the 3 times we did go to see my parents.  3 times in 5 years and then my dad retired and they decided it was easier for them to come to us than for us to get our brood to them.  The whole deal and attitude still burns me up.

[dairy mom]

Linda you know my son said the exact thing just a week ago or so.  Said he misses the time he and I spent together in the parlor when I was still milking.  Now neither one of us milk and lunch time and our mostly weekly management meetings are just about the only things we do together.

This time together and apart I'm finding to be a hard part of the changes we're making here.

Hubby right now is still working more on farm stuff than I am and he is throwing an attitude that is driving me crazy.

Won't be a lot of changes in that in the foreseeable future.  Looks like we'll be doing another albeit smaller expansion this summer.

But when he does pull back from the farm and doesn't have to be out of the house as much this "the house is my castle and I am King, now wait on me" is not going to fly. 

[Kay/NC]

Let me clarify: this isn't exactly a hus work/ my work issue here. This stretching therapy has literally changed my life. If you had watched the person you love most in this world limping all day for over a decade, and knew they had troubke sleeping at night from the pain in one knee, you would find five hours out of even your busiest week, for them to go get it fixed, right?

I am not taking time to work out at the gym right now...that was just causing too much conflict, no matter how much I needed to...I will just have to figure it out another way. This therapy is giving me a new lease on life. Mike actually realizes that, gives my trainer all sorts of credit for seeing me feeling so much better.

When we git the word that I had fulltime childcare coverage on tap fir four weeks (it stretched to almost five), he made every promise that he would cover those five hours. When he started hemming and hawing, putting me off last week, I blew my stack. He had perped over the cafe doors to my bathtub, started telling me about his plans fkr the day, and they didn't i clude covering what essentially amounted to the child's naptime...so, how much trouble was that, except to sirand rest and watch TV for a couple of hours, while he slept?

I listened to him and then said," So, when you promised I would not have any problems with getting to the gym twice a week, you were lying to me...."

He gave me a mouthful of mumblingand disappeared. I got up from the tub, got dressed, and found him in the dining room, having a snack. My temper was boiling, and I said one sentence, emphasis provided by five very bad words...actually, the same one five times.

I told him that if something helped him feel better as much as this therapy makes me feel better, I would crawl over broken glass with my hair on fire, to see that he got there. That I thought it was worth a few bales of hay, being made late...that I didn't think it was fair to tell me something and then renege on the deal...that that could become a two-way street, you know?

It sunk in....

I do EVERY scrap of paperwork management, except his waste records, and I even offered to computerize those this year. I have made all but that last one as streamlined as possible, so do not mind the tasks as much.

I do not like my " job", but I get ot done.

i have improved physically to the point that I am ready and able to do field work again...so, please just keep me free for five hours a week, in my trainer's hours, until we get to September, when preschool covers my pointments...heck, until this week when the travelers come home and resume their duties. I moved my therapy to their days to sit with Winn.

I am actually calling in some extra help from them Friday, if my store tenants show up, to help me move out my stuff from the corner. Mike will be haying in Va on his place (100 light acres there, mostly pasture cleanip), and there's about 35 acres on the ground he cut yesterday. I expect tocatch my breath on about 7-10 days.

This one boiled down to broken promises, which to me is the essence of trust. If I promise you supper will be ready by six, you will get fed. It may not be delicious, but I won't just flippantly say, "I had something more important to do!"

Trust broken is very hard to repair. If I have to fight to get you to be trustworthy, then it feels like a hollow victory. Theoint is, I shouldn't have to make a point of it...just show up and do what you promised to do!

[Ruby Lou]

Checking cows is something we like doing together.  This year the calf book was forgotten to be put in the christmas stocking...so it is a paper on the counter.  He tags and bands them sometimes without me.  so I don't always know who belongs to who.  This weekend we moved cows...I think you heard my story in "Think Alike".  I asked before we got out of the truck if we needed the paper because I had brought it with us.  Mind you, we only have 20 cows...He said no, it isn't that hard to tell.  we were getting down to the last few to either let back out into the one pasture or load up to take to another pasture...He was getting crabby by this point and said "were's the d... paper?  I told him he told me we didn't need it...reply "I didn't tell you that"   that is when you silently fume!  When I figured out there was no #25 calf, I figured out which cow needed to stay in that pasture....Its nice to be needed, but not nice to be grumped at.

[Kay/NC]

Mike isn't bad about the " wait on me" part. He is gracious when I have a good meal ready ( maybe because he does have to cook a lot, too), and is learning to push the start button on the washer after his shower, if I have it all selected the pod in, and his clothing is last in the load.

He is a good guy, just sbsolutely clueless that I expect him to put us above the farm...just like I fought to be as important as his railroad job was, our first 22 years of marriage.

Looking back, I HATED how dedicated he was to that stinking company, as badly as they treated employees. Now, I just want him to get it that life is more than just makng a living. I have already looked back with so many regrets of not making more special occasions while Jenna was alive. I do not want to feel that way when our road reaches its end...it isn't an " if", it's a " when".

Just having the kids and Winn in for supper last night felt like an unplanned holiday. He and I curled up in my big chair, after his bathtime, and we read a whole box of books while the grownups were eating and talking. We can be " together" and not in the same room, not even the same house or the same state! Just work with me....

[SLC]

Our together time is checking cattle too.    Ruby Lou.. have you ever washed or lost the calf book?   CRISIS!    That has happened here.     We have sort of fixed the problem or at least its not as much of a crisis anymore.   The calf's tag has the cow's #, calf #, birthdate, and bull ID all on it now.   We just wait til we get the calf on the ground before making the tag.  Sure makes pairing up and sorting much easier.  Oh and heifer tags go in one ear, bulls are tagged in the other.   We use different colored tags for certain groups.. this year most of the calves are tagged with yellow, calves from first calf heifers are blue, and embryo calves are red.     Twins and foster calves get a smaller tag in the other ear so they are easy to pick out.   

[Ruby Lou]

Wow....I wish we could be that efficient! We buy premade tags. DH catches the calf, I keep the cow away from him and he bands and tags...sometimes I have to help keep a leg down while keeping the cow away... not fun...Dh had been hit many times by cows.